I had never spent much time here before like I did today. As I read, I cried. I read some more, and cried again. And then did this a few more times. It made me ever more grateful for my darling little Ellie. She is a gift to us in every sense of the word.
Quite literally now, my life is lived for someone else. I am at Ellie's beck and call nearly every minute of the day. Do you know how much power there is in that? I can't adequately express how grateful I feel to be Ellie's mother. I can't describe to you how genuinely I adore everything about my daughter. BJ and I are enchanted by her every day, every hour, every minute.
It is so good to be a parent. It is so good to be a mother.
After a while I couldn't take the crying any longer and I ran to be by Ellie's side. I woke her from her nap to hold her and hug her, to feel her against my skin and to look into her eyes. She is magic. I held her and cried. I nursed her and cried. I recounted to BJ every story I had read about on Ani and Matt's blog and I cried again.
I have a little girl. I have a little girl that is perfect to me. And I am so blessed that my every purpose of every day now is to be her mother.
I had some cooking to do today for another Halloween party we were helping with. Ellie sat in her chair watching me for a few minutes and then she started fussing. This time I didn't try to distract her with another gadget or toy. This time I strapped on my sling and held her close to me while I chopped and stirred. I let her nibble on crumb-sized ingredients and smell the spices I added to the soup. She was my little sous chef and we both loved it. This is her reaching for the soup as I mixed it. It looked colorful and smelled nice. It was fun to see her reaction to each move I made. She was enthralled.
Breakfast: I had: Kashi Island Vanilla cereal with bananas, blueberries, almonds, and milk.
I made BJ: honey flavored greek yogurt with apples, bananas, blueberries, and homemade granola, which he thinks he thinks is terrific even though he claims he hates coconut. That homemade granola is loaded with coconut. Little does he know... I'm not saying a word. : )
Lunch: peanut butter and strawberry jam on a slice of french country bread with carrot sticks.
Snack: kettle corn
Dinner: we ate tortellini soup, red pepper, potato and corn chowder, homemade rolls, chinese chicken salad, green salad with bacon, pecans, and cranberries, and way too many pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, red velvet cake, and pecan bars to count at the Halloween party Megan and I hosted tonight at Megan and Tanner's. (They live with Tanner's parents.)
I am stuffed again. I told BJ tonight that I feel like a walrus- so full and disgusting. Why can't I eat a reasonable amount of baked goods? The flood gates open when I'm around any object with frosting... and there's simply no stopping me. Not that I want to be stopped when I'm in the moment. I wanna have my cake and eat it too. (With lots of frosting please.) I just don't wanna feel like a walrus afterward. You know what I mean?
Ellie dressed up as a strawberry again but BJ and I wanted to switch it up. We were strawberry farmers again, but this time with a twist. Our slogan was this, "BeJota's Berries- We Only Pick the Best!"
(BeJota is how you say BJ in spanish.)
I think BJ looks like Lloyd on Dumb and Dumber when he's going to pick up Mary. Reeeediculous.
Halloween is such a great Holiday, and it's not even over yet! Plenty more where that came from.
Cupcakes, doughnuts, caramel corn, oh my! Our ward Halloween party tonight was sweet indeed. I won the chili cook off! Ha!
(The expression on my face looks just like one my brother Donny would make. Love you Don.)
Ellie was a...
Strawberry! And we decided that we were not cowboys. We were strawberry farmers. It's a good business to be in when your crop is this terrific.
Halloween Sweet Chili recipe:
2 lbs. ground beef
2 lbs. Jimmy Dean Maple Sausage
2 (15 oz.) cans red kidney beans
2 (15 oz.) cans chili beans (I used all of a 32 oz. can instead. Chili beans? I had never heard of em.)
2 cups V-8 juice
6 teaspoons chili powder ( I didn't have this so I used 4 heaping teaspoons of smokehouse flavored pepper and 2 heaping teaspoons of bbq chicken spice stuff.)
2 Tablespoons butter ( to cook the meat in)
1/2 cup water
4 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons worcestershire (try saying that 10 times fast. or once for that matter.)
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
2 teaspoons vinegar
and here it is people... my secret ingredient. When I had it finished according to the recipe I felt like it still needed a little more texture besides just the beans and meat. So I sauteed up some yellow, orange, and red mini bell peppers. Just sliced em up real nice and cooked em in some butter, salt and smokehouse pepper.
All you do is cook the meat in a big pan with the butter. Drain off the excess fat. Add all the other ingredients, and simmer for one hour. Pretty darn delicious.
I made it this morning so the flavors could have time to mingle. In the span of this time the pepper became pretty pronounced, so by the end of the night it had quite a kick. Cut back on the pepper if you don't like things a little spicy.
It's hard to cook with a baby in arms. Navigating a knife, a hot stovetop and a hot oven too are dangerous when Ellie is hiked up on my left hip- convincing my left arm that indeed, at any moment now, it will fall off. I cut my foot today on broken glass because I didn't have two hands- or one for that matter- to catch the falling salt shaker. And now here I am, dressed up as a cowgirl, cut foot crammed into a leather cowboy boot, typing with ONE hand. Out of necessity, you learn to become very creative when you're a mother.
Breakfast: quinoa with coconut, dates, bananas, pomegranate seeds, almonds, honey and milk.
Lunch: Pasta with carmelized tomatoes and meyer lemon olive oil.
Snack: green apple
Dinner: sweet Halloween chili with sauteed peppers, a baked potato, and cornbread.
We're headed to our first Halloween party tonight. I'm not gonna tell you what Ellie's gonna be, but I will say that it's very California appropriate. And naturally, very adorable
Sometimes when you live in California and fall doesn't come to you... you've got to make a point to go out and find it yourself. Even if it is in the parking lot of Sears.
These guys could have picked up a lot of honeys carrying those babies around like that if it weren't for their wives trailing behind all night... oh, and again, the fact that we were in a Sears parking lot. Not too many honeys hanging around there.
All joking aside- it was a fun night. Even if it was... in a Sears parking lot.
I feel like a dead man walking. Or I guess technically, a dead woman. I am tired. I swear Ellie woke up more times last night than she ever did when she was a newborn. I can't hack it guys. I need sleep. Breakfast: bowl of 1/2 organic honey & flax granola 1/2 plain cheerios, blueberries, bananas, almonds, and milk.
Mid-morning snack: triscuits, multigrain tortilla chips, red delicious apple, and Justin's honey almond butter.
Lunch was not homemade. It was a turkey cranberry sandwich on multigrain bread from Nordstrom with a green salad on the side.
But at least dinner was better...
After one and a half chocolate chip cookies from Costco, I had about five or six of these. Actually five or six was the number I got to when I decided to stop counting. Not real. Not homemade. Not good for me. But good tasting. Convenient also. On hand and longing for my attention. These oreos were lonely. They needed some recognition and I stepped up.
What I'm realizing is this: Real Food is delicious. Real Food is healthy. Real Food is one of the best ways I can nurture my hard-working husband. Real Food is what I want to eat... most of the time. Preparing Real Food is time consuming and effort-full (yes that's a word. it means full of effort.) It's 2011 people, and I'm gonna eat my oreos every once in a while. The situation gets sticky when I recognize the fact that I made a goal to eat dessert only one day a week and uh... hello... it's Halloween weekend starting tomorrow. Not. Gonna. Happen.
As Marjorie Hinckley would say, "Better to have tried and failed then never to have tried at all."
I'll be back at it again in the morning though. Hopefully I won't be reporting so many processed foods. Instead I'll be kicking the day off with some quinoa (probably,) and definitely ending the day with some homemade chili. Stay tuned...
The baby is crying... Again. :)
Sleep well tonight. At least one of us should. (Ellie's head looks rather alienesque in this picture. Don't worry. She's actually quite adorable.)
I'm exhausted, and in a really terrible mood. Being a grown up is stressful. And we're grown-ups living in someone else's house. We're in way over our heads. Ahhh!
Breakfast: I can't even remember. I'm ready for this day to be over. homemade granola with bananas, pomegranate seeds and milk. I'll share this granola recipe with you sometime. You'll thank me for it I'm sure.
Lunch: leftover bacon chicken and dumplings. steamed beets and mushrooms with goat cheese and spiced pecans. You've seen these pictures already. Nothing new.
Snack: quinoa with apple, almonds, milk and honey. Oh man... thinking about this might possibly improve my bad mood. Oh yep. I feel much better.
Dinner: BJ's favorite meal: homemade pizzas with whole wheat crust, bbq sauce, carmelized red onions, fire roasted corn, and mozarella cheese, (Last time I put bbq'd chicken on too and it was great. I didn't feel like bbq-ing chicken today.) and mini heirloom tomatoes with white balsamic vinegar.
This is my sister Katie. Yes, she is gorgeous. She lives in Canada and I miss her.
I was talking on the phone with her today and she asked me about my talk on hope that I gave a couple weeks ago in church. (By the way, thank you commentors for your help on that subject.) She wanted to read it so I'm gonna post it for her here so she can do so. You might be thinking, "Well Ellery, why don't you just e-mail her the talk rather than posting it on your blog for all to see?" To which I would say, "Well you see, this talk spoke about some pretty important things, some of which might be beneficial for someone out there to read." So that, my friends, is why I will now post my big, long talk about hope. I also had the duty of introducing BJ and myself seeing as we recently moved into this ward, so that's what the beginning's all about. Here goes...
like to clear the air about a commonly asked question that I’m sure many of you
yourself have wondered, “How
did BJ Pugmire get a girl like that?” Well
that’s what I’m here to tell ya.
met BJ when I was a senior in high school. My three best friends and I were
invited to a party with some guys they had met at EFY who had recently come to
BYU. We felt pretty cool to be the only non-college going kids there. And in
spite of our lack of experience in navigating ourselves around all these older
people, BJ must’ve seen something he liked in the girl with the holey jeans and
tiny pigtails. BJ and I talked together that night, he about soccer, me about
dance, and a little flame was kindled. We dated for a month that year, having
fun together at Halloween dances, and Haunted Houses. But our relationship
quickly fizzled away and that was that… Or
so I thought.
went away to study dance in college at the University of Arizona and he went on
his Mission to Mexico. I received a few lighthearted letters from BJ while he
was in the field but didn’t expect that anything would happen between us upon
his return. Boy was I wrong.
before I went home for Christmas break my last year of college I got a text
message from BJ saying that he’d love to meet up with me sometime. I was
excited to hear from him, but thought of him strictly as a friend seeing as I
was waiting for a missionary of my own.
BJ literally had me at hello when my mom opened the door and he stood there
looking so cute coming to pick me up for our date. I ended up staying out with
him and his family until 4 in the morning that night. My parents were ready to
kill him, and I was ready to marry him! I knew very quickly that I loved BJ and
was constantly telling him, “Jump in the pool Beej!” I guess the question then
should be, “How did BJ convince that girl to wait 11 months before he’d marry
on November 25th, 2008 we were married in the Salt Lake Temple. We
shared two and a half wonderful years of marriage together before our sweet
Ellie Layne came along. And now here we are, adding to the fun at the Pugmire
are happy to be here.
A few weeks ago I was in Utah visiting my parents. The
second to last day I was there was a Friday; the same day that my mom works in
the temple. Towards the end of her shift I drove to the temple to pick her up
and parked the car right in front so she could see me when she came out. I had
gotten there about twenty minutes early and had brought a book to pass the time
while I waited. But before I thumbed through the pages to find my place,
something else had already caught my attention. I saw a continuous stream of
men and women exiting the temple doors. I noticed that among each of these men
and women there was a commonality. They were each walking with their heads held
high. They had smiles on their faces. There seemed to be a light in their eyes
and a confidence in their step. I thought in that moment that this alone could
be the new missionary effort of the church. If the world could come and sit in
front of the temple like I did that Friday morning and notice the shining
countenances of these temple patrons… they’d have to believe that what was
going on in there was true!
This image impressed me. It softened my heart and
strengthened my testimony of what I already knew… that what we are taught in
the temple is true. I have continued to think about what it was that I saw in
the countenances of these temple-going people that day. Originally, I thought
it was peace. But as I pondered on this image again and again, I realized that
what I had seen was more active, alive, and unwavering than peace alone. I came
to realize that what I had seen was hope.
In Hebrews hope is described “as an anchor of the
soul, sure and steadfast.” In Alma as “firm.” In Peter as “lively.” Pres.
Dieter F. Utchdorf explains, “We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of
God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers
are heard and answered. Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in
the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in
the present and in the future. Hope is manifest in confidence, optimism,
enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.”
is the exact description of what I had seen! These people were filled with
hope. They were filled with hope because these are the very things we learn
about in the temple: the goodness of God, the atonement of His son Jesus
Christ, that our prayers are heard and answered, and that God has, does and
will keep His promises to us. Russell M. Nelson reinforced this theory when he
said, “When we know who we are and what God expects of us, we are made aware of
our significant role in his great plan of happiness and we are FILLED WITH
HOPE.” Again, these are the things that we learn in the temple. It’s no wonder
then that the people I observed exiting the temple that bright Friday morning
were beaming with hope.
scene is all the more incredible when you realize how many of the people are
going to the temple because they filled weighed down with worry or concern.
Stresses about family, work, marriage, church callings, and children are often
the motivating reasons that take us to the temple. These real people with cares
and concerns of their own take their troubles to the Lord because they know he
can help. He has helped them in the past, and they know he will help them
again. In True to the Faith it says of temples, “Sometimes you may feel that
you cannot think clearly because your mind is so burdened with problems and the
many things clamoring for attention. In the temple, the dust of these
distractions can settle, the fog and haze can lift, and you can understand
things that you have not understood before. You can find new ways to deal with
the challenges you face.”
In the Book of Mormon Nephi desired greatly to “know
the things that (his) father had seen.” He longed to understand the vision his
father had had of the tree of life. He longed to understand that which he had
not understood before. “As I sat pondering in mine heart I was caught away in
the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain.” It is there,
on this high mountain, where Nephi gains an understanding of his father’s
vision. He is visited and instructed by an angel. He learns line-upon-line what
each detail of his father’s dream meant. The bible dictionary teaches us that
in times of need, a mountaintop can serve as a temple. In Nephi’s case, the
“exceedingly high mountain” where he gains his knowledge had served him as a
temporary temple. It was here that he came to understand things that he had not
understood before. Another
example we find just a few chapters later. “And it came to pass that after I,
Nephi, had been in the land of Bountiful for the space of many days, the voice
of the Lord came unto me saying: Arise and get thee into the mountain. And it
came to pass that I arose and went up into the mountain, and cried unto the
Lord. And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me saying: Thou shalt
construct a ship, after the maner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy
people across these waters.” The Lord continues, “And I will be your light in
the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye
shall keep my commandments; wherefore inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments
ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me
that ye are led.”
of these sets of instruction from the Lord to Nephi took place while he was
upon a mountaintop. Our mountaintop today is inside the Holy Temple. There we
can converse with God. He will be “our light in the wilderness; and He will
prepare the way before us, if it so be that we keep his commandments.” We will
have hope when we go to the temple for we will know that it is by him that we
going to and from the temple have many reasons to be filled with hope. In
addition to the things we are taught inside the temple, we gain hope just by
preparing ourselves to enter there. As a child we are promised that when we go
to the temple we will “Feel the Holy Spirit. We will learn to listen and to
pray. For the temple is a house of God. A place of love and beauty.” When we
are preparing ourselves to enter the temple, we learn to be morally clean, to
pay our tithing, and to keep the word of wisdom. We strengthen our testimony of
Heavenly Father and of His Son, Jesus Christ. We find hope through this
preparation. We are hopeful that when we go to the temple it will be a
fulfilling spiritual experience. We hope that we will feel close to God there,
and that we will be blessed with a greater understanding of our role in God’s
week I was able to go to the Newport Beach temple with two women in the ward.
While in the celestial room, Sister Katz told me how that room held special
significance for her because she had helped during the open house. Before its
dedication, she saw children come through the celestial room. They sat down on
the seats, their feet not even touching floor and they looked around in awe. Their faces were filled with hope that
one day they would be there again.
am amazed each time I go to the temple now and consider the significance of a
child’s desire to go to the temple. I remember so well singing songs about the
temple in Primary, listening to lessons about the temple in Young Women and
waiting patiently outside as siblings, friends, and cousins were sealed
together. I remember the way I was overwhelmed with gratitude when I received
my patriarchal blessing as a teenager and in accordance with going to the
temple heard the words, “This you will accomplish.” I was filled with hope and
trust in the Lord that in spite of my weaknesses and mistakes, one day I would
make it to the temple.
temple is a symbol of hope to saints in the latter days. In the manual,
“Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple” we read, “The
temple itself becomes a symbol. If you have seen one of the temples at night,
fully lighted, you know what an impressive sight that can be. The house of the
Lord, bathed in light, standing out in the darkness, becomes symbolic of the
power and the inspiration of the gospel of Jesus Christ standing as a beacon in a world that
sinks ever further into spiritual darkness.” Doesn’t that sound similar to the
analogy that President Uchtdorf gives… “Hope
is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present
circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and
J. Featherstone, emeritus member of the first quorum of the seventy said, “The
time will come when even the elect will begin to lose hope if they do not come
often to the temples.” The temple strengthens our hope because it is there that
we learn about what we can hope in: In Jesus Christ and His infinite atonement,
in God, in our relationship to him as his sons and daughters, in the workings
of the Spirit, and in the power of making and keeping sacred covenants. We also
feel hope there because the adversary does not dwell there. It is the adversary
who tries to rob us of hope by filling us with despair. Pres. Uchtdorf states,
“The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness.
Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the
empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances
sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a
staircase that leads only and forever downward.”
can resist this feeling of despair when we understand that hope is a spiritual
gift. Because it is a spiritual gift, it is something we can and must pray for.
We can also find joy in the fact that, “We learn to cultivate hope the same way
we learn to walk, one step at a time. As we study the scriptures, speak with
our Heavenly Father daily, commit to keep the commandments of God, like the
Word of Wisdom, and to pay a full tithing, we attain hope.We grow
in our ability to “abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost,”as
we more perfectly live the gospel.” We cultivate hope by setting our sights on
the temple, by preparing ourselves to enter there, by living worthy of a temple
recommend, and by attending the temple often.
testify that if we live our lives so that we are worthy to enter the Holy
Temple, we will be blessed. We will be filled with “confidence, optimism,
enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.” Indeed, we will be filled with hope.
Breakfast: whole wheat french toast with raspberry compote, bananas, and a side of scrambled eggs.
I don't usually make a breakfast that's this extravagant but BJ ended up not having work so I went ahead with my boastful housewife desires to impress. And he was. (Impressed that is.) However, the picture I took of it with my o-l-d camera left nothing to be desired. It actually reminded me of the plates of food that show at the beginning of Napolean Dynamite.
So moving on... Along with the french toast this morning I made some homemade granola which turned out fabulously. This became my mid-morning snack with one diced apple and honey flavored greek yogurt.
Lunch: leftover butternut squash soup, red grapes, and one triangle of BJ's quesadilla.
Dinner: oh was this good. high quality pasta with roasted broccoli, cauliflower and a parmesan creme fraiche sauce. salad with steamed beets, goat cheese, spiced pecans, and pomegranate seeds. I made BJ's salad with raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, spiced pecans, and pomegranate seeds because he thinks beets taste like dirt. Which, they do. Which is why I'm not sure why I still love them so much. Although, maybe it has something to do with the fact that they're absolutely decadent when paired with goat cheese, and I would be happy to live on goat cheese exclusively. But then again, I love 'em without goat cheese. Dirt tasting beets are a mystery to me. My favorite kind of mystery.
I have to admit that I'm going to bed tonight a little too full. That pasta was heavy and I ate more of it than BJ did. Me eating more than BJ happens more often than I would like to acknowledge. But what are you gonna do? Eating less certainly is not an option I'd like to consider. So thank you for understanding.
Aside from all the chopping, washing, and stirring I did today I managed to capture some seriously adorable moments. Can you guess who my object was?
As stated before, Ellie loves brushing her (teeth?) along with me in the morning. Today after we finished brushing she did not wanna let that toothbrush go. See for yourself...
And Ellie sat up today! The longest she was able to sit up without face planting was probably 10 seconds, which I think is pretty darn impressive for a little five month old. She might not sit as erectly as I do, but hey, she's not a dancer. Cut her some slack!
Mom may or may not have forced Ellie to practice one too many times.
We saw this love leaf, lovely leaf, leaf that looks like a heart on our walk. Ahhh.
Oh you're gonna love these ones!
Oh those thighs are juicy! With the lady who gawked at Ellie on Balboa Island I proclaim,
"I could eat her in two bites!"
And then we watched dad play tennis. Actually we didn't watch. We just sat on the tennis court while dad played and we did our own thing. Girly stuff you know?
Til next time. We've got some sleeping to do around here.