NICE AND CLOSE

Ellie is as happy as a clam if she is close to someone. She loves to sleep on BJ's chest, cuddle into my side, and feel snug in her blankets. Because we know this about her, I figured that she'd be most likely to enjoy her first bathing experience if she felt close to someone while she did it. This morning I filled up the tub, got in, and had BJ hand her to me. She didn't make a beep. She loved being held in the warm water and was calm as could be. This will be something I look forward to doing each day.

And a few more pictures for good measure...

EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS MAGIC

Woah mama. What a journey. Yesterday felt like the "being a mom" that I had always imagined. I spent time in my home all day long, holding my baby, feeding my baby, and loving my baby. The past week has been filled with new experience after new experience, lots of tears (on my end,) and just plain drinking in my baby girl. I love this- tears and all.

BJ and I could sit and watch her all day long. Every move she makes tickles us. We want to memorize everything about her. Every detail of her tiny little body is irresistible.

We're intoxicated with our love for her.

What an honor it is to be a parent.

Ellie's birth story will come sooner or later.

THE ULTIMATE BLESSING

Our little dear has arrived and now she's 5 days old.

We never knew how immediately and immensely we would love her.

She has changed us both forever.

We love you Ellie Layne Pugmire.

May 19th, 2011

5:59 p.m.

8 lbs. 4 oz.

So happy.

39 weeks

 

I am two days shy of my due date. I had some photos taken on Friday and I think they are an accurate depiction of how this pregnancy has been for me. I feel like I'm living a miracle with this baby girl growing inside me. I've been blessed to be healthy, happy, and able to fully enjoy being pregnant. Although I am so excited to meet the little one, I really think I'm gonna miss her living inside me. My belly has become a part of me, and it's not gonna be around much longer.

I'm still only dilated to a one, but I did have my membranes stripped yesterday and this morning I lost my mucous plug. (Pardon the gory details.) I'm having contractions that are mild and inconsistent- but they are happening nonetheless. My mom and I took a long walk today so hopefully this gal will be on the way soon.

Emotions of all sorts have been manifesting themselves this week: anticipation, anxiousness, excitement, and a little bit of nervousness. But last night as I went into the nursery to add one more thing to my hospital bag, I was overwhelmed with joy when I realized that sometime in the next week Ellie Layne will be resting quietly in her yellow crib. I can't believe I'm gonna have a baby.

Oh happy day!

GIMME!!!

I want my own baby. I want her here. I want her now. "Good things come to those who wait" better apply in this instance.

LOOMING

The weather is gloomy today and I have a mood to match. I feel contemplative- stuck in my head of swirling thoughts- none of which are related or connected, just endlessly swarming around my mind. I think I'll appreciate today, but probably in a quiet, calm, and thoughtful way. Each day is filled with new lessons to learn, and today I'll let those lessons lap over me like a gentle wave... I don't feel the need to go out chasing them myself.

THE START OF MY GOODBYES

Today I taught kindergarten for the last time. Mondays this year were always filled with anticipation- 6 kindergarten classes to make my way through; demonstrating for, dancing with, reigning in, and complimenting were heavy on the to-do list. Today was my last time. Like probably, forever...

I'm not feeling sad, just amazed it's over. Surreal is probably the best word to describe what I'm grappling with right now. "Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed" is the way my friend Cassie always describes kindergartners. How true that description is. Hopefully they'll remember me in a similar type description rather than "impatient and frazzled" like I sometimes felt on Mondays. At times my three year teaching career felt like an eternity. Today hindsight is beginning so set in, and this beautiful phase of my life is quickly passing through my finger tips and drifting away like a dandelion in the wind.

ON BECOMING A MOTHER

If I wish to become anything close to the mother that my mom is and always has been, then dedication is the first thing on my list of things to learn. With all the truthfulness in the world, I can say that I don't know how a woman could be more dedicated to her children than my mom is to hers. I love my mom, and I know that she loves me. She is ALWAYS, ALWAYS on my side. That is quite possibly the thing I love most about her. She is my true defense, my number one ally, my constant support. She is willing to help me with anything, at any given moment. She never puts herself first. EVER. I love my mother- to the moon and back.

I love my husband's mother, and she loves me too. I love her most of all because of the valiant way that she raised, and continues to raise her children. The role she plays in BJ's life is invaluable. He still tries to live his life in a way that would make his mother proud. He honors her, and respects her, loves, and adores her. Anyone that knows JaLayne knows someone that in my mind, is as close to an angel as you can get on this earth.

My beautiful sisters... these women make motherhood look good. They knew that being a young mother was the cool thing to do BEFORE any celebrities did- but man, they certainly do it with style. I'm amazed at the energy they all have, at the unfailing love and commitment to their families that they show, and at the way they still rock it out in every other area of their life. They continue to inspire the desire I have to be a mother myself. I'm grateful to be on the younger end of the family so I could observe the beautiful way that these women parent. I owe them all so much for their priceless examples to me.

Exemplifying so much grace and a continuation of love and compassion are the elegant grandmothers that I have. Age does not stand in the way of them giving everything they can to their families: grand daughter-in-laws included. Being a grandmother is like the crowning jewel of motherhood. There is so much love to go around. I'm honored to be a part of their legacy of faith and righteousness.

Motherhood is right around the corner for me. I've never been more proud or grateful to be a woman. My little daughter is so blessed to be a daughter of God. One day she will gain her inheritance of becoming a mother- the noblest gift God could give his child.

TODAY IS THE TOMORROW YOU WORRIED ABOUT YESTERDAY

My girls compete this weekend. They did last weekend too. I've been looking forward to these scheduled competitions for so long, knowing that when this time finally came, Ellie Layne's time would be right around the corner. And while, yes, we are much much closer to Ellie's day of arrival, I'm still me... still me living my day-to-day life. I still wake up in the morning and follow the same general routine- moving quietly throughout my day, trying to maneuver tasks and events in the most enjoyable and grateful way possible. Today is no different. Although May 6th has been marked on my calendar and in my mind for a long time,

"Today is the tomorrow (I) worried about yesterday."

RECAP

The last time I posted I was an emotional mess. I am happy to announce that that two day trend, was in fact, only a two day trend. Since Saturday I have felt immensely better. I'm happy. I'm no longer feeling impatient and exhausted. I somehow- without even having to try- am finding myself totally enjoying these last two and a half weeks (tomorrow will be officially two weeks flat.) I actually thought yesterday, "I'm gonna miss this." Pregnancy brings with it its own sense of pride and accomplishment, and right now I'm living in the full of it. I can handle two more weeks of days like today. I could handle that any time. 

Two more weeks and the little bundle that's placed in my arms will be mine... and she'll be wearing a pink hat.