April 21, 2011


I'm so tired today it hurts.
Last night around 10:30 I beckoned BJ into the bedroom and asked him if he'd lie down next to me. Tears welled in my eyes and he held me in his arms as I told him how exhausted I felt. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead about a hundred times. We talked about the baby coming, my ever-growing belly, and how we missed spending time together as we were both so busy this week. I can't believe how magical it is to have a spouse that is your best friend. I love my husband so much it hurts. I never want to live without him.
Up until this point the events of the day have been successful and happy- just a little glazed over from the lack of sleep that's been so prevalent in my life this week.
In addition, I have some magnificent photos that I've been itching to share since my break from blogging last week. So even though it's cloudy, cold, and windy outside today, here are some photos that perfectly document my indescribably wonderful week of spring last week. 
I am intoxicated with spring this year. I wish I could drink it in. It is so beyond gorgeous, so filled with life, a renewal of green and pastel, and also the time that I'm gonna meet my first born.
I anticipate a walk with Ellie each day after she comes. I imagine pushing her in her new stroller (thanks Pugmire girls!), stopping for picture breaks, stopping for nursing breaks, stopping for breaks to calm a crying baby, turning around to head back home when bad weather looms or when baby girl just isn't wanting to walk the same way her mama is. But oh how I drink in my surroundings when I go on walks. I usually don't make it out of our apartment complex parking lot without stopping to take a picture of something that looks unusually beautiful that day. I think sometimes a photo lens works the same way that rose-colored glasses do.

With this current spring fever, I have developed a major urge to garden, to put my hands in the dirt and enjoy the nurturing quality that is necessary to tend a plant (or two or three.) Since we live in an apartment and don't own the land that surrounds our home, we don't have much authority to create any sort of outdoor garden bed, but I didn't let this hold me back. Plants were on my mind this last week and no one was gonna stop me. I swear I could have spent hundreds of dollars on gardening tools alone. I dream about the day I can learn to plant and harvest vegetables in my own yard, with my little children tromping around in their crocs and sunhats lending a helping hand... (because I made 'em. :) ) 

I will admit that my kitchen feels a bit like a jungle, and I did find an EARTHWORM under the rag in my sink the other day. (It still makes me shudder to think about.) But there is something so satisfying about traveling from room to room in my house, watering can and plant mister in hand, to tend and care for each individual shrub. I don't know if I'm any good at gardening, but I do know that yesterday one of my tiny pansies was drooping and lifeless and after close examination, quite a bit of water, and a new position on the sill, that pansy was standing tall by the end of the night. Perhaps this is my warm-up to taking care of an actual baby. Maybe I won't care a lick about these plants when little Ellie comes around... But for now, I'm gonna keep on watering, keep on nurturing, and keep on fueling the fire of this new passion in me.
Once again... happy spring.


  1. I love this post. It brought a little tear to my eye. It brought me back to when I had my first baby. She was a spring baby so we were fortunate to get out walking right away. I loved our daily walks. I still love going on walks with my kids. It's such a magical time. I love watching them discover nature and get excited about the littlest things.

  2. :( Cassie that is so sweet. Thank you. Hey, just so you know... I'm having a baby shower this weekend and I didn't have your number or address to send you an invitation. If you can't make it I totally understand... but it is tomorrow at 12:30 at my friend's house who lives near me and Shardae. You can call me (801-602-4851) if you'd like instructions on how to get there. Much love to you.