November 10, 2010

ETERNAL OPTIMIST

I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF OPTIMISTS.
IF YOU KNOW MY DAD, YOU HAVE PROBABLY NEVER SEEN HIM FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME WITHOUT GLIMPSING HIS ALWAYS SINCERE GRIN- OR ONE OF HIS MANY LAUGHS. MY DAD IS A HAPPY PERSON, AND HE IS ALWAYS A HAPPY PERSON.
I REMEMBER THAT I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT MY DAD CHOSE TO BE THIS WAY UNTIL I WAS IN COLLEGE. WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I TRULY THOUGHT THAT MY DAD LOVED EVERYTHING: WASHING THE CAR, CLEANING THE WINDOWS, MOWING THE LAWN, GOING TO WORK DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY, ATTENDING COUNTLESS CHURCH MEETINGS, AND OF COURSE EVERY SINGLE DANCE PERFORMANCE HE EVER ATTENDED. IT WASN'T UNTIL REAL LIFE SEMI-HIT ME IN COLLEGE WHEN I HAD TO START DOING ALL OF THE FRIVOLOUS TASKS MYSELF THAT IT DAWNED ON ME....
"THIS CRAP SUCKS." 
I THOUGHT ABOUT MY HOURS OF HOME WORK, ESSAY WRITING, DANCE REHEARSALS, APARTMENT CLEANING, AND OTHER VARIOUS DAILY OCCURANCES THAT SEEMED TO GET ME DOWN. I HAD NEVER ACTUALLY REALIZED THE FACT THAT MY DAD CHOSE TO MAKE EVERY SITUATION AS GOOD AND ENJOYABLE AS IT COULD BE POSSIBLY BE. MY DAD LITERALLY DOES NOT COMPLAIN. HE ONLY HINTS AT A COMPLAINT THROUGH LIGHT-HEARTED JOKING AND LAUGHING. I ADMIRE THIS QUALITY IN HIM IMMENSELY.
SINCE I'VE BEEN MARRIED I'VE TRIED TO ADOPT THIS QUALITY MYSELF AND SUSTAIN IT IN THE DAY-TO-DAY MUNDANE AND EXCITING EVENTS.

MY FEELING IS THIS: ANY TASK OR EXPERIENCE CAN BE FUN AND ENJOYABLE, AND ANY TASK OR EXPERIENCE CAN NOT. 
WE ARE THE DETERMINANTS.
MY WHOLE POINT IN MENTIONING THIS IS THIS:
TODAY I WAS LISTENING TO A CONVERSATION ACROSS THE FACULTY ROOM ABOUT PARENTING. ONE TEACHER TALKED ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME-MOM AND HOW SHE ALWAYS RESENTED PEOPLE WHEN THEY TOLD HER TO, "ENJOY THEM WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG." ALL SHE COULD THINK WAS, "YA RIGHT! YOU TRY TAKING CARE OF THESE KIDS!" HER DAUGHTER- A FORMER SCHOOL TEACHER- JUST HAD A BABY AND IS AT HOME FOR HER FIRST TIME. SHE TOLD HER MOM SHE ALREADY WANTED TO GO BACK. 
THIS- MY FRIENDS-
SCARES ME TO DEATH. I AM AFRAID OF BECOMING A MOM THAT BASICALLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE ONE.
I DON'T THINK MANY OF US HAVE TO THINK TOO HARD OF MOMS WE KNOW LIKE THAT, OR MOMS WE KNOW THAT ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHAT THEY DO.
FOR ALL YOU ALREADY MOMS OUT THERE...
I'M NOT TRYING TO SOUND NAIVE OR STUPID, I AM FULLY AWARE THAT MOTHERHOOD ISN'T EASY. I JUST HOPE AND EARNESTLY PRAY THAT I WON'T TAKE BEING A MOM FOR GRANTED.
THIS IS WHAT I'VE WANTED MY WHOLE LIFE. TO STAY AT HOME.
I KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW, WITH WORK, ALTHOUGH I LOVE IT AND I LOVE MY KIDS AND I'M TEACHING DANCE- THE THING I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEGREE IN, I STILL WOULD RATHER STAY HOME ON ANY GIVEN DAY THAN BE HERE. MY HEART BELONGS IN THE HOME. CLEANING, COOKING, HOMEMAKING, BEAUTIFYING, AND IN A FEW (OR SEVERAL) SHORTS MONTHS, BABY CUDDLING, BATHING, DIAPER CHANGING, AND FEEDING.

OF COURSE IT'S HARD. LIFE IS HARD.
THE REALITY IS, EVERY SITUATION HAS A WHOLE LOT OF CRAP ABOUT IT, AND WHOLE LOT OF GOOD ABOUT IT TOO.
I'M VOWING NOW, THAT WHEN I'M A MOM- I WILL STRIVE LIKE MY DAD TO SEE THE GOOD EVERY DAY AND REMEMBER THAT HAVING A FAMILY AND REARING THEM IN RIGHTEOUSNESS IS THE SINGLE-MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.

4 comments:

  1. Your dad is the greatest! You have both always been exceptional examples to me of seeing the good in everything. You're so positive and that's why I love to be around you. I'm so grateful to be a stay at home mom. It is such a blessing to be with little Gwen. Nothing is more rewarding. I can't wait for you to do the same thing. Motherhood is the best! Your post was a great reminder to never take it for granted. I love you! You will be a fabulous mommy Elle!

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  2. Elle I love reading your blog. You are always so positive and up beat. I need that right now in my life. I have felt down a lot since we have been out here, and although I love being home with Tate and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but home with him, it has been really hard for me. Thanks for reminding me that motherhood is such a blessing and a devine roll. I need to see the brighter side of things. Thanks for the reminder! Love you. See you soon!!!

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  3. Mckenzie and Em,
    Thanks for the comments. I love you both so much. I know it'll be so much harder than I realize- I just hope I can see the good in it instead of dwelling on how hard it is. You are both terrific mothers. It's people like you that make me excited to be a mom myself.
    So much love,
    Elle

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  4. I know that we chatted about this the other day, but the thing about staying home is it is not for everyone. I can say, however, that it is for me, and something tells me that you will love it too. It's funny you would post this, because I did the same type of thing on my blog. Check it out if you get a chance and maybe it will help you see the good that others try to paint as bad.

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