ETERNAL OPTIMIST

I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF OPTIMISTS.

IF YOU KNOW MY DAD, YOU HAVE PROBABLY NEVER SEEN HIM FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME WITHOUT GLIMPSING HIS ALWAYS SINCERE GRIN- OR ONE OF HIS MANY LAUGHS. MY DAD IS A HAPPY PERSON, AND HE IS ALWAYS A HAPPY PERSON.

I REMEMBER THAT I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT MY DAD CHOSE TO BE THIS WAY UNTIL I WAS IN COLLEGE. WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I TRULY THOUGHT THAT MY DAD LOVED EVERYTHING: WASHING THE CAR, CLEANING THE WINDOWS, MOWING THE LAWN, GOING TO WORK DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY, ATTENDING COUNTLESS CHURCH MEETINGS, AND OF COURSE EVERY SINGLE DANCE PERFORMANCE HE EVER ATTENDED. IT WASN'T UNTIL REAL LIFE SEMI-HIT ME IN COLLEGE WHEN I HAD TO START DOING ALL OF THE FRIVOLOUS TASKS MYSELF THAT IT DAWNED ON ME....

"THIS CRAP SUCKS." 

I THOUGHT ABOUT MY HOURS OF HOME WORK, ESSAY WRITING, DANCE REHEARSALS, APARTMENT CLEANING, AND OTHER VARIOUS DAILY OCCURANCES THAT SEEMED TO GET ME DOWN. I HAD NEVER ACTUALLY REALIZED THE FACT THAT MY DAD CHOSE TO MAKE EVERY SITUATION AS GOOD AND ENJOYABLE AS IT COULD BE POSSIBLY BE. MY DAD LITERALLY DOES NOT COMPLAIN. HE ONLY HINTS AT A COMPLAINT THROUGH LIGHT-HEARTED JOKING AND LAUGHING. I ADMIRE THIS QUALITY IN HIM IMMENSELY.

SINCE I'VE BEEN MARRIED I'VE TRIED TO ADOPT THIS QUALITY MYSELF AND SUSTAIN IT IN THE DAY-TO-DAY MUNDANE AND EXCITING EVENTS.

MY FEELING IS THIS: ANY TASK OR EXPERIENCE CAN BE FUN AND ENJOYABLE, AND ANY TASK OR EXPERIENCE CAN NOT. 

WE ARE THE DETERMINANTS.

MY WHOLE POINT IN MENTIONING THIS IS THIS:

TODAY I WAS LISTENING TO A CONVERSATION ACROSS THE FACULTY ROOM ABOUT PARENTING. ONE TEACHER TALKED ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME-MOM AND HOW SHE ALWAYS RESENTED PEOPLE WHEN THEY TOLD HER TO, "ENJOY THEM WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG." ALL SHE COULD THINK WAS, "YA RIGHT! YOU TRY TAKING CARE OF THESE KIDS!" HER DAUGHTER- A FORMER SCHOOL TEACHER- JUST HAD A BABY AND IS AT HOME FOR HER FIRST TIME. SHE TOLD HER MOM SHE ALREADY WANTED TO GO BACK. 

THIS- MY FRIENDS-

SCARES ME TO DEATH. I AM AFRAID OF BECOMING A MOM THAT BASICALLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE ONE.

I DON'T THINK MANY OF US HAVE TO THINK TOO HARD OF MOMS WE KNOW LIKE THAT, OR MOMS WE KNOW THAT ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHAT THEY DO.

FOR ALL YOU ALREADY MOMS OUT THERE...

I'M NOT TRYING TO SOUND NAIVE OR STUPID, I AM FULLY AWARE THAT MOTHERHOOD ISN'T EASY. I JUST HOPE AND EARNESTLY PRAY THAT I WON'T TAKE BEING A MOM FOR GRANTED.

THIS IS WHAT I'VE WANTED MY WHOLE LIFE. TO STAY AT HOME.

I KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW, WITH WORK, ALTHOUGH I LOVE IT AND I LOVE MY KIDS AND I'M TEACHING DANCE- THE THING I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEGREE IN, I STILL WOULD RATHER STAY HOME ON ANY GIVEN DAY THAN BE HERE. MY HEART BELONGS IN THE HOME. CLEANING, COOKING, HOMEMAKING, BEAUTIFYING, AND IN A FEW (OR SEVERAL) SHORTS MONTHS, BABY CUDDLING, BATHING, DIAPER CHANGING, AND FEEDING.

OF COURSE IT'S HARD. LIFE IS HARD.

THE REALITY IS, EVERY SITUATION HAS A WHOLE LOT OF CRAP ABOUT IT, AND WHOLE LOT OF GOOD ABOUT IT TOO.

I'M VOWING NOW, THAT WHEN I'M A MOM- I WILL STRIVE LIKE MY DAD TO SEE THE GOOD EVERY DAY AND REMEMBER THAT HAVING A FAMILY AND REARING THEM IN RIGHTEOUSNESS IS THE SINGLE-MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.