At This Time Last Year

At this time last year I was in my last trimester of pregnancy. My belly was ripe, and my emotions were tender. I sat close to BJ on a chaise in the Pugmire's home in Park City watching General Conference and crying as I listened to Richard G. Scott speaking lovingly about his wife and children. It was snowing gently outside- covering the daffodils and tulips that had just shown their vibrant heads. I was full of hope and anticipation. I felt like I was on top of the world. I was about to become a mother.

I can't help but reflect back this year. Last April was a magical time for me. It was sacred, and special. And now here I am one year later, the mother of a ten month old daughter who can walk and babble and learn.

I think of the person I was then. I felt beautiful wearing a baby in my belly. I felt noble in the beginning of my mothering pursuit. I was trying to grow, and prepare myself to be the best I could possibly be for when my daughter finally came. I was taking care of my body, knowing that my body was sustaining my child. I was brimming with emotion: gratitude, anxiousness, excitement, and joy. It was a wonderful time in my life.
Then my little girl came to us- on her due date, in fact. And my joy was full. I was overwhelmed with love. The day I delivered Ellie was the most magnificent day of my life. Now here I am, one year later. My baby is walking. She is tall, and blonde, and more beautiful than I ever expected her to be. She is a person. She is Ellie. And I love her because she is her. I don't know how to adequately explain it, but I am fascinated at how she does not have to do a single thing, and I love her. I love her because she is her. That is just what I want her to be.

 

This year I feel a little less beautiful (strangely- you'd think I'd feel a-heck-of-a-lot prettier not being pregnant), but I feel wiser. I feel a little more experienced. I feel honored to be not just a mother, but Ellie's mother. It's a special thing, this motherhood. And this is a special time of year with General Conference and Easter coming up. I feel so much gratitude. My feelings match the season. The little flowers that courageously show their heads, and fight through the cold, hard ground to bloom remind me of this hopeful and cheery feeling that fills me up. I know these feelings of peace and gratitude come from our Savior. It is a beautiful time to be alive, and it is beautiful because of Him.