At This Time Last Year

At this time last year I was in my last trimester of pregnancy. My belly was ripe, and my emotions were tender. I sat close to BJ on a chaise in the Pugmire's home in Park City watching General Conference and crying as I listened to Richard G. Scott speaking lovingly about his wife and children. It was snowing gently outside- covering the daffodils and tulips that had just shown their vibrant heads. I was full of hope and anticipation. I felt like I was on top of the world. I was about to become a mother.

I can't help but reflect back this year. Last April was a magical time for me. It was sacred, and special. And now here I am one year later, the mother of a ten month old daughter who can walk and babble and learn.

I think of the person I was then. I felt beautiful wearing a baby in my belly. I felt noble in the beginning of my mothering pursuit. I was trying to grow, and prepare myself to be the best I could possibly be for when my daughter finally came. I was taking care of my body, knowing that my body was sustaining my child. I was brimming with emotion: gratitude, anxiousness, excitement, and joy. It was a wonderful time in my life.
Then my little girl came to us- on her due date, in fact. And my joy was full. I was overwhelmed with love. The day I delivered Ellie was the most magnificent day of my life. Now here I am, one year later. My baby is walking. She is tall, and blonde, and more beautiful than I ever expected her to be. She is a person. She is Ellie. And I love her because she is her. I don't know how to adequately explain it, but I am fascinated at how she does not have to do a single thing, and I love her. I love her because she is her. That is just what I want her to be.

 

This year I feel a little less beautiful (strangely- you'd think I'd feel a-heck-of-a-lot prettier not being pregnant), but I feel wiser. I feel a little more experienced. I feel honored to be not just a mother, but Ellie's mother. It's a special thing, this motherhood. And this is a special time of year with General Conference and Easter coming up. I feel so much gratitude. My feelings match the season. The little flowers that courageously show their heads, and fight through the cold, hard ground to bloom remind me of this hopeful and cheery feeling that fills me up. I know these feelings of peace and gratitude come from our Savior. It is a beautiful time to be alive, and it is beautiful because of Him.

Channeling My Inner Julia

I don't know why it is, but all my life I have loved food. Food interests me. It excites me, and I know I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about it. Sometimes it frustrates me that I like food so much. Growing up as a dancer it was a conflict of interest to eat the way I wanted to, and to look the way I wanted to. (Or the way my teachers/judges/critics wanted me to.) But alas, chocolate cake from Magleby's and a flour tortilla with my Cafe Rio salad were not about to go by the wayside. Food makes me happy. And as embarrassing as it may, or should be to admit, I am delighted at every opportunity I have to eat. (Wow. I sound like I should weigh 500 lbs.)

I'm finding comfort in the book my book club selected to read this month, "My Life in France" by Julia Child. Finally I've found someone that can relate with me and my food-driven mind. I love Julia Child's personality and her "drink life in big gulps" mentality. I love the way she dreams about food and revels in every single bite she takes. My love for food is what drives my desire to cook. I love my time in the kitchen. I could read and skim over cookbooks all the live-long day. And the chance to create a table-scape just about sends me over the moon. Food is fun. I'm with Julia Child on this one.

A few scenes from last night's dinner:

Bon Appetit!

Turning Out to Be a Lovely Day

I remember when BJ and I were dating and he told me that back in California his parents lived at the top of a big hill, and that you could overlook all of Yorba Linda from their backyard. Well as luck would have it, that backyard is now my temporary backyard, and today this is the view I woke up to:

The longer I live here in Yorba Linda the less and less I want to leave. We love the people. We love the feeling of this family-oriented community. We love our ward. Yorba Linda is a good place to be.

And a little shot of our bathing beauty...

Breakfast and a Movie

I had been waiting for today all week just like a little kid waits for Christmas. After finishing reading The Hunger Games on Thursday I couldn't wait to see the movie. We got tickets for the early morning so that Kim and JaLayne could babysit Ellie for us. BJ suggested going to breakfast at The Original Pancake House beforehand. I am not one to turn down a good breakfast. (One of my favorite indulgences.) When Ellie woke up at six this morning I nursed her, laid her back in her crib and crawled back in bed and waited for my alarm to go off. I couldn't sleep. We left the house around seven and had a dreamy time together. BJ's chocolate chip pancakes were better than my German pancakes, and although the book was better than the movie, I still loved it. Our date today was a good, good date. I'm still smiling about it.

Hope You're Having a Lovely Weekend

I'm having fun utilizing my new camera, and the subject that I photograph is the sunshine in my life.

Ellie Layne Pugmire, you are wonderful.

And last the best of all the game. (Check out those teeth!!!)

What Do I Even Say About This Girl?

My friend Megs gave me a little, teeny coaching session with my new camera a few weeks ago, and I finally pulled it out yesterday to practice. I was tickled with the turnout of a handful of them that I'm puzzled as to how to even post them. They seem like jewels to me. I keep cycling through them throughout the day and falling more and more in love with Ellie every single time. How did I get such an awesome daughter? I can't even believe how great she is.

I'm gonna post just one tonight, and I'll save the rest for later. These are the kind you have to savor just a little at a time.

Another Video

I'm quickly falling in love with the video mechanism on my iPhone, and the iMovie mechanism on my laptop. I love watching a video along with some good music, and hope that this helps my siblings and parents who live so far away feel a little bit more up-to-date on everything that Ellie's doing lately. We're having a blast watching our almost ten month-old walk independently anytime we'll let her, and trying hard to sooth her poor teething mouth, her new-found aversion to strangers, and her growing fears of random objects and appliances. This video includes a wide assortment of short movie segments taken over the course of the last month or so. Hope you enjoy...

Started My New Job Today...

...and I am thrilled.

If you are interested in ordering custom-made, Restoration Hardware or Pottery Barn furniture at 30-50% discount, let me know, cause I'm your woman. The car of my backseat is stacked with hundreds and hundreds of fabric samples, and soon I will have my own business license.

Ellery Pugmire Designs begins... Yay!

(A view in my boss' kitchen. She owns factories in L.A. that manufacture all this furniture, and she even has her own fabric line.)

My e-mail is: ellerypugmire@gmail.com

Let me know if you need some furniture!

Photographs and Feelings

Life keeps getting more and more comfortable and enjoyable for me here in California. I'm beginning to fall in love with Yorba Linda, and the idea of moving away from here to another city one day makes me sad. Yorba Linda is a very family-friendly, conservative, down-to-earth place to live. People are religious and kind- not uppity and materialistic. I guess that's why it's called the, "land of gracious living".
Maybe it's just that I've been here for long enough now that it's starting to feel like home, and I feel comfortable here driving around town, borrowing books from the library, going to my favorite stores, and spending mornings and afternoons in the different parks. I know that feeling "at home" in a new place takes time, and I'll eventually have that security wherever we finally settle. But I'm grateful to be settling in here, to be gradually (and gratefully,) accepting our new home.

(Yorba Regional Park- where Ellie and I walk and spot ducks, squirrels, and doggies multiple times a week.)

Motherhood Is...

A blog I follow is having an essay contest on the subject, "Motherhood Is..."
 I like to write, and I'm a mother, so I have been thinking a lot about this subject and what it is that I would say about motherhood if I were to enter that essay contest. 

I've tried to identify a definitive answer to the question, "What is motherhood?" If I could choose one word, and word only to describe this journey I've been on for the last eighteen months of my life, (I'm counting pregnancy here) what would it be?

Every day I came up with a new answer, something I felt fairly represented my experience up until that point, but nothing settled. No one answer seemed to have any sort of lasting validity. The only answer I came across that seemed to illustrate my feelings of being a mother was "rollercoaster."
Motherhood is... a rollercoaster.
It is. But that answer sounded cheesy.

Had you asked me to fill in the blank yesterday around 2:30 p.m. I would have said,
"Motherhood is a nightmare." Two hours later, however, as I held Ellie's hand as she waded in the shallow end of the swimming pool, soaking the bottom of her rolled-up light pink leggings, I would have said motherhood was joyful. It's always changing you see.

What I've realized is that motherhood is everything. It is fun, and completely mundane. It is relaxed and easy, and terribly stressful. It is triumphant. It is boring. It is emotional. It is tiring. It is beautiful, and exciting. It is monotonous. Motherhood is time consuming. Motherhood is confusing. Motherhood is the most purposeful thing I have ever pursued. I've realized that in motherhood, everything good about it has its equal opposition, just like any worthwhile pursuit.

Motherhood, I've found, is everything.
Motherhood is everything.

Kony 2012

Thanks to anyone who reads this blog. If you do... would you mind watching this movie for me?

Let's do something about this.