MUDDLE THROUGH SOMEHOW

MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME IS "THE FAMILY STONE."

I WATCH IT MULTIPLE TIMES EACH MONTH, AND ALTHOUGH IT IS MEANT TO BE A CHRISTMAS-CELEBRATING FILM, I NEVER RESERVE IT FOR THIS TIME OF YEARLY ONLY. I CAN'T ADEQUATELY EXPLAIN WHAT IT IS ABOUT THIS MOVIE THAT DRAWS ME IN THE WAY IT DOES. TO BE HONEST, I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE THIS MOVIE THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT. I THOUGHT IT WAS OBSCURE, I WASN'T SURE WHAT THE POINT OR PLOT OF IT HAD BEEN, AND THE TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS WITH SARAH JESSICA PARKER WAS ENOUGH TO DRIVE ANYONE CRAZY...

OR SO I THOUGHT.

MY LOVE FOR THIS MOVIE HAS EVOLVED AND I FIND GREAT COMFORT AND SOLACE WHENEVER I TURN THIS MOVIE ON AT HOME. I CLEAN TO IT, COOK TO IT, DO LAUNDRY TO IT, AND ALWAYS RECITE OUTLOUD EACH LINE RIGHT ON CUE WITH THE CHARACTERS.

THE CAST IS CAPTIVATING. WITH NAMES LIKE DIANNE KEATON, RACHEL MCADAMS, LUKE WILSON, CLAIRE DANES, CRAIG T. NELSON, AND DERMOT MULRONEY, IT SEEMED SURE TO BE A HIT. BUT IN SPITE OF THE FANTASTICALLY STOCKED TROUPE OF ACTORS, WHAT GETS ME IS THE STORY. WHAT GETS ME IS THE ACCURATE MESS OF PERSONALITIES THAT THEY ARE. WHAT GETS ME IS THE PROTECTIVENESS THEY HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. WHAT GETS ME IS THAT IT'S A MOVIE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY ABOUT FAMILY.
IF YOU OWN THE MOVIE, YOU CAN WATCH THE SPECIAL FEATURES SEGMENT AND SEE THE CHARACTERS AND DIRECTOR INTERVIEWED. YOU CAN LISTEN TO THEM EXPLAIN HOW FILMING THIS MOVIE WAS DIFFERENT THAN FILMING ANY OTHER BECAUSE OF THE TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME THEY SPENT TOGETHER. WHEN THEY WEREN'T SHOOTING, IT WASN'T TIME OFF. THEY WENT TO LUNCH TOGETHER AND GOT COFFEE TOGETHER. THEY EVEN PLAYED GAMES THAT BY THE END HAD THEM BUSTING A GUT- JUST LIKE A REAL FAMILY.

DIANNE KEATON IS THE MOTHER OF THE STONE FAMILY AND ABOUT TWO THIRDS OF THE WAY THROUGH THE MOVIE ON CHRISTMAS EVE, WHEN ALL SEEMS TO BE GOING WRONG, THE KIDS FIND OUT THAT SHE IS DYING. AT THIS POINT, THE DAUGHTER SUZANNE IS STAYING UP LATE WATCHING "MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS" WAITING FOR HER HUSBAND'S FLIGHT TO GET IN, WHILE HER SISTER LIES ASLEEP ON THE COUCH NEXT TO HER. SUZANNE'S DAD COMES IN THE ROOM AND ASKS SUZANNE IF SHE'S GOING TO GO TO BED, "ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS THE BEST PART." -AND IRONICALLY, THIS IS THE BEST OF THE MOVIE. BECAUSE JUST THEN, JUDY GARLAND IN THE BACKGROUND BEGINS TO SING, "HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS." ALTHOUGH THIS IS MEANT TO BE A HAPPY SONG, IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS MOVIE, IT CREATES A WORLD OF EMOTION AS SHE SINGS WORDS LIKE,
"FROM NOW ON OUR TROUBLES WILL BE MILES AWAY"
"THROUGH THE YEARS WE ALL WILL BE TOGETHER IF THE FATES ALLOW"
AND MY FAVORITE PART IN THIS VERSION OF THE SONG...
"UNTIL THEN WE'LL HAVE TO MUDDLE THROUGH SOMEHOW."
AT THIS POINT IN THE MOVIE EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING HIGH FOR ME. THE MUSIC IS EXQUISITE- MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG OF ALL TIME. AND THE OVERWHELMING THOUGHT OF WHAT THIS FAMILY IS GOING THROUGH IS PROFOUND.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A FAMILY. TO LOVE AND CARE FOR SIBLINGS AND PARENTS SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS AT TIMES.
THIS THANKSGIVING I WAS ABLE TO BE WITH MY ENTIRE FAMILY- KATIE AND JASON FROM TEXAS AND SOON TO BE CANADA, DONNY AND EM FROM MINNESOTA, AND JESS AND DUST FROM FLORIDA. I CLUNG HARD TO THOSE SIX DAYS OF TOGETHERNESS KNOWING FULL WELL THEY WON'T COME OFTEN ANYMORE. BUT UNTIL THEN, WE'LL MUDDLE THROUGH SOMEHOW.
HERE'S A POST THAT'S ALL ABOUT THE JOY OF HAVING A FAMILY, OF BEING A FAMILY, AND OF NAVIGATING ALL OF THE COMPLEXITIES THAT GO ALONG WITH THAT.

SO HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS... NOW.

SHE LEFT BEAUTY WHEREVER SHE WENT

IN MY MOTHER-IN-LAW'S PANTRY HANGS A SIGN THAT SAYS,

"SHE LEFT BEAUTY WHEREVER SHE WENT."

I DON'T KNOW IF SOMEONE GAVE JALAYNE THIS SIGN OR IF SHE BOUGHT IT HERSELF, BUT THIS SIX WORD SAYING DEFINES HER PRECISELY.

MY MOTHER IN LAW IS BEAUTIFUL. IN EVERYWAY SHE IS FEMININE AND CHRISTLIKE, AND HER BEAUTY RADIATES EVERYWHERE SHE GOES.

HER HOME IS BEYOND BEAUTIFUL- HANDCRAFTED BY HER. SHE SELECTED EVERY DETAIL, IN EVERY SQUARE INCH OF THIS PLACE.

EVERY TIME I COME TO VISIT I TAKE TOUR- WALKING SLOWLY FROM ONE ROOM TO THE NEXT, BREATHING IN THE DETAILS, STUDYING EVERY PIECE OF FURNITURE, EVERY RUG AND PIECE OF ART, THE WAY THE TILES WERE LAID, AND THE COLOR SCHEMES JALAYNE HAS CREATED.

MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS HOUSE THOUGH IS HOW EVERY SPACE IS BEAUTIFUL: THE PANTRY, THE LAUNDRY ROOM, THE KITCHEN SINK, EVERY BATHROOM, AND EVEN OUTSIDE.

ALTHOUGH HAVING BEAUTIFUL THINGS DOESN'T BRING HAPPINESS, I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT SEEING THEM DOES. I LOVE TO PERUSE INSPIRING STORES EVEN WHEN I HAVE NO INTENTION OF BUYING ANYTHING BECAUSE JUST SEEING BEAUTIFUL THINGS INSPIRES CREATIVITY AND EXCITEMENT INSIDE ME. -AND MARK MY WORD- THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF BEAUTIFUL THINGS.

FA LA LA LA LA

OH MY HEART COULD JUST BURST.

CHRISTMAS HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN... AT MY HOUSE...

AND MY MOM'S...

AND IN ABOUT 12 HOURS, AT THE PUGMIRE'S AS WELL.

'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY.

THE LEGEND OF THE ELF

I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I SAW IT FIRST, BUT SOMEWHERE IN THIS WIDE WORLD OF READILY-AVAILABLE MERCHANDISE THERE IS AN ELF YOU CAN BUY TO REMIND YOUR CHILDREN TO BEHAVE WITH CAUTION DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON.

THE ELF SITS QUIETLY IN YOUR HOME- LOCATION DETERMINED BY YOU- TO TAKE VIGIL DURING THE DAY, MENTALLY NOTING EVERY MOVE EACH PASSERBY MAKES. AT NIGHT THE ELF QUICKLY DISSAPEARS TO THE NORTH POLE TO REPORT TO THE BIG MAN HOW WE ARE DOING DOWN HERE... NAUGHTY OR NICE.

ONE OF THESE ELVES TAKES PERMANENT LODGING INSIDE ME- CAREFULLY KEEPING TALLY MARKS OF THE GOOD THINGS I DO, AND ALSO, UNFORTUNATELY, THE BAD.

MAKE A STUDENT CRY, 1 BAD TALLY. MAKE A CLASS OF FIRST GRADERS LAUGH HYSTERICALLY, 1 GOOD TALLY. MAKE DINNER HAPPILY FOR MY HUSBAND, 1 GOOD TALLY. MAKE DINNER IN A HUFF FOR MY HUSBAND, 1 BAD. MURMUR AT THE CHRISTMAS TRAFFIC, 1 BAD TALLY. REJOICE IN THE CONSTANT BLESSINGS I'VE BEEN GIVEN, 1 GOOD.

MY DAYS RUN LIKE THIS BACK AND FORTH, BACK AND FORTH. GOOD TALLY, BAD TALLY, GOOD TALLY, BAD TALLY. -TRUTHFULLY, IF THIS ELF REALLY DOES REPORT TO THE BIG MAN, THAN MR. CLAUS IS GETTING MIXED SIGNALS ABOUT ME.

I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO READ ABOUT KING BEJAMIN'S PEOPLE IN THE BOOK OF MORMON AND HOW THEY HAD NO MORE DESIRE OR DISPOSITION TO DO EVIL, AND I USED TO THINK... " HOW DO I GET THERE?" "HOW COULD I HONESTLY COME TO THAT PLACE WHERE I NO LONGER DESIRED TO EVER EVER EVER DO SOMETHING BAD?"

WELL LAST NIGHT I RAN INTO AN OLD FRIEND WHO ISN'T IN THE BEST PLACE IN HIS LIFE. JUST SEEING HIM PUT A PIT IN MY STOMACH- ABSOLUTELY NO LIGHT IN HIM- NOT AN OUNCE. I THOUGHT ABOUT HIM ON MY DRIVE TO WORK THIS MORNING, WONDERING HOW HE GOT TO WHERE HE IS TODAY. I THOUGHT ABOUT STEPS HE'S TAKEN IN HIS LIFE THAT HAVE LED HIM FURTHER AND FURTHER INTO THE DARK. AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME...

I'M WHERE KING BENJAMIN'S PEOPLE WERE. I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THE TRANSFORMATION HAS BEEN TAKING PLACE INSIDE ME, BUT I CAN TRUTHFULLY SAY THAT I HAVE NO DESIRE WITHIN ME TO DO EVIL.

I DO SLIP UP. THE ELF IN MY HEAD COULD EASILY TELL YOU THAT. I MAKE STUPID MISTAKES AND I CATCH MYSELF AT TIMES PRACTICING SELFISH THOUGHTS AND ACTS- BUT WHENEVER THOSE TIMES COME ALONG- AND COME ALONG THEY DO- 

I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT I RECOGNIZE IT. I HAVE THAT ELF IN MY HEAD TO SHAKE ME BACK TO REALITY AND MAKE ME UTTER A PRAYER OF APOLOGY AND A PLEAD FOR HELP TO ASSIST ME TO FIX IT. I GUESS THE CHANGE OCCURED IN ME BECAUSE MY FATHER IN HEAVEN KNEW THAT RIGHTEOUS DESIRE WAS IN MY HEART. 

I KNOW THAT THE MORE WE FEED THE NICE SIDE IN US- THE MORE LIKELY IT IS THAT THE NAUGHTY SIDE WILL BEGIN TO DISSAPEAR. I SAY THIS WITH CAUTION, BECAUSE THE NAUGHTY SIDE IS A LOT MORE STUBBORN THAN THE NICE. JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT A HANDLE ON HIM HE CREEPS UP AGAIN TO BITE YA. BUT THE GREAT THING IS, THE LIGHT AND THE GOOD AND THE NICE ARE MUCH, MUCH STRONGER THAN THE NAUGHTY. BECAUSE WHEN WE'RE DOING GOOD, WE FEEL GOOD.

"(THE SPIRIT) HAS WROUGHT A MIGHTY CHANGE IN US, OR IN OUR HEARTS, THAT WE HAVE NO MORE DISPOSITION TO DO EVIL, BUT TO DO GOOD CONTINUALLY."

-MOSIAH 5:2

MAKE YOUR INNER ELF HAPPY, DO GOOD AND BE NICE.

CHRISTMAS IS A CREEPIN'

CHRISTMAS IS SNEAKING UPON US QUICKLY. ALTHOUGH, I GUESS MY RADIO HAS BEEN DIALED INTO THE CHRISTMAS-ONLY STATIONS FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW, AND THE MAJORITY OF MY HOLIDAY DECORATIONS WERE ON DISPLAY PRE-THANKGIVING. IT FEELS LIKE ANY BIG EVENT IN LIFE THAT YOU WAIT IN ANXIOUS ANTICIPATION FOR, WHEN SUDDENLY, OUT OF THE BLUE YOU'RE DIGGING IN YOUR HEELS AND WISHING YOU HAD JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME TO PREPARE YOURSELF.

CHRISTMAS PACKAGES ARE WRAPPED AND READY UNDERNEATH THE TREE, GREETING CARDS ARE HAPPILY HANGING, AND MY SPIRIT FEELS QUITE FILLED WITH CHEER. I'VE ALREADY ATTENDED A BELL CHORUS PERFORMANCE, I'VE SIPPED HOT COCOA FROM A RED CHRISTMAS MUG, AND I'VE EVEN SPORTED HOLIDAY SOCKS WHILE TEACHING DANCE AT THE OLD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

CHRISTMAS FEELS GOOD. THE TRADITIONS ARE REASSURING. UNPACKING THE DECORATIONS TO BE USED ANOTHER YEAR LATER CREATED A SENSE OF NOSTALGIA AND PEACE. 2010 HAS BEEN A FANTASTIC YEAR.

SOMETHING DEEP DOWN IN MY ROMANTIC HEART THOUGHT- PRIOR TO MY REAL-LIFE PREGNANCY DAYS- THAT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, I WOULD SOMEHOW BE ABLE TO LIE AROUND ALL DREAMING ABOUT LIFE WITH A BABY, PURCHASING THOUSAND DOLLAR CRIBS, STROLLERS, AND CAR SEATS, AND SATISFYING EVERY WHIM WHEN I WAS CONFRONTED WITH A CUTE PIECE OF BABY CLOTHING.

THESE THOUGHTS WERE SIMILAR TO THE ONES I HAD PRE-MARRIAGE- WHERE BJ AND I WOULD LIE IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS AND GAZE INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES IN OUR PERFECTLY BUILT AND DECORATED CUSTOM HOME FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY. WELL IF YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT, OR YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, I'LL BE THE ONE TO SHATTER YOUR DREAM OF EITHER OF THE TWO SCENARIOS. BECAUSE THIS MY FRIENDS, IS NOT REALITY.

-HOWEVER-

IF I COULD NAME MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE YEAR OF 2010 IT WOULD BE: MY INCREASED ABILITY TO LITERALLY ENJOY EVERY SINGLE DAY.

ALTHOUGH I STILL LOOK AHEAD, ALTHOUGH I STILL MARK MY CALENDAR HOLIDAYS WITH FIFTEEN EXCLAMATION POINTS, ALTHOUGH SOME DAYS ARE NATURALLY BETTER THAN OTHERS- I HAVE MANAGED TO LEARN TO ENJOY EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. NO LONGER DO I FEEL GRATEFUL FOR MY JOB SOLELY BECAUSE OF THE INCOME AND BENEFITS- THIS YEAR, I FREAKING LOVE TEACHING. I SERIOUSLY LOVE MY KIDS, AND I KNOW I'LL END UP MISSING THEM WHEN I DON'T TEACH HERE ANYMORE. I ALSO LOVE MY GIRLS AT CENTER STAGE. ALTHOUGH DRAGGING MYSELF OFF THE COUCH TO GO AND TEACH FOR THE SECOND TIME TODAY IS NEVER EASY, I ALWAYS ENJOY MY TIME AND EFFORTS IN THE END.

AND SOME PARTS OF ME WORRY, FEELING LIKE I'VE BETRAYED THAT PART OF MY FORMER SELF- THAT OBSESSED, BABY-DREAMING SELF. I FEEL AN UNSURE WORRYING THAT ELLIE LAYNE ISN'T CONSUMING MY THOUGHTS ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I'M LIVING LIFE, AND I'M LOVING IT- AND I'LL BUY HER CLOTHES WHEN SHE ACTUALLY NEEDS THEM. I'LL MAKE MY TRIP TO BABIES-R-US AFTER I SEE WHAT I GET FROM MY BABY SHOWERS. BECAUSE THE REALITY IS, ELLIE LAYNE IS HAPPY AS A CLAM WAITING ON THE INSIDE OF ME, AND I'M GONNA BE HAPPY AS A CLAM, LIVING MY LIFE UNTIL SHE COMES.

I'M EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS. I'M STOKED FOR CHRISTMAS BREAK. BUT I'M NOT WISHING TO RUSH THROUGH THE DAYS LEADING UP TO THESE THINGS. I'M SUCKING THE MARROW OUT OF TODAY- EVEN THOUGH TODAY'S NOT CHRISTMAS.