CHRISTMAS IS A CREEPIN'

CHRISTMAS IS SNEAKING UPON US QUICKLY. ALTHOUGH, I GUESS MY RADIO HAS BEEN DIALED INTO THE CHRISTMAS-ONLY STATIONS FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW, AND THE MAJORITY OF MY HOLIDAY DECORATIONS WERE ON DISPLAY PRE-THANKGIVING. IT FEELS LIKE ANY BIG EVENT IN LIFE THAT YOU WAIT IN ANXIOUS ANTICIPATION FOR, WHEN SUDDENLY, OUT OF THE BLUE YOU'RE DIGGING IN YOUR HEELS AND WISHING YOU HAD JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME TO PREPARE YOURSELF.

CHRISTMAS PACKAGES ARE WRAPPED AND READY UNDERNEATH THE TREE, GREETING CARDS ARE HAPPILY HANGING, AND MY SPIRIT FEELS QUITE FILLED WITH CHEER. I'VE ALREADY ATTENDED A BELL CHORUS PERFORMANCE, I'VE SIPPED HOT COCOA FROM A RED CHRISTMAS MUG, AND I'VE EVEN SPORTED HOLIDAY SOCKS WHILE TEACHING DANCE AT THE OLD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

CHRISTMAS FEELS GOOD. THE TRADITIONS ARE REASSURING. UNPACKING THE DECORATIONS TO BE USED ANOTHER YEAR LATER CREATED A SENSE OF NOSTALGIA AND PEACE. 2010 HAS BEEN A FANTASTIC YEAR.

SOMETHING DEEP DOWN IN MY ROMANTIC HEART THOUGHT- PRIOR TO MY REAL-LIFE PREGNANCY DAYS- THAT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, I WOULD SOMEHOW BE ABLE TO LIE AROUND ALL DREAMING ABOUT LIFE WITH A BABY, PURCHASING THOUSAND DOLLAR CRIBS, STROLLERS, AND CAR SEATS, AND SATISFYING EVERY WHIM WHEN I WAS CONFRONTED WITH A CUTE PIECE OF BABY CLOTHING.

THESE THOUGHTS WERE SIMILAR TO THE ONES I HAD PRE-MARRIAGE- WHERE BJ AND I WOULD LIE IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS AND GAZE INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES IN OUR PERFECTLY BUILT AND DECORATED CUSTOM HOME FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY. WELL IF YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT, OR YOU'RE NOT MARRIED, I'LL BE THE ONE TO SHATTER YOUR DREAM OF EITHER OF THE TWO SCENARIOS. BECAUSE THIS MY FRIENDS, IS NOT REALITY.

-HOWEVER-

IF I COULD NAME MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE YEAR OF 2010 IT WOULD BE: MY INCREASED ABILITY TO LITERALLY ENJOY EVERY SINGLE DAY.

ALTHOUGH I STILL LOOK AHEAD, ALTHOUGH I STILL MARK MY CALENDAR HOLIDAYS WITH FIFTEEN EXCLAMATION POINTS, ALTHOUGH SOME DAYS ARE NATURALLY BETTER THAN OTHERS- I HAVE MANAGED TO LEARN TO ENJOY EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. NO LONGER DO I FEEL GRATEFUL FOR MY JOB SOLELY BECAUSE OF THE INCOME AND BENEFITS- THIS YEAR, I FREAKING LOVE TEACHING. I SERIOUSLY LOVE MY KIDS, AND I KNOW I'LL END UP MISSING THEM WHEN I DON'T TEACH HERE ANYMORE. I ALSO LOVE MY GIRLS AT CENTER STAGE. ALTHOUGH DRAGGING MYSELF OFF THE COUCH TO GO AND TEACH FOR THE SECOND TIME TODAY IS NEVER EASY, I ALWAYS ENJOY MY TIME AND EFFORTS IN THE END.

AND SOME PARTS OF ME WORRY, FEELING LIKE I'VE BETRAYED THAT PART OF MY FORMER SELF- THAT OBSESSED, BABY-DREAMING SELF. I FEEL AN UNSURE WORRYING THAT ELLIE LAYNE ISN'T CONSUMING MY THOUGHTS ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I'M LIVING LIFE, AND I'M LOVING IT- AND I'LL BUY HER CLOTHES WHEN SHE ACTUALLY NEEDS THEM. I'LL MAKE MY TRIP TO BABIES-R-US AFTER I SEE WHAT I GET FROM MY BABY SHOWERS. BECAUSE THE REALITY IS, ELLIE LAYNE IS HAPPY AS A CLAM WAITING ON THE INSIDE OF ME, AND I'M GONNA BE HAPPY AS A CLAM, LIVING MY LIFE UNTIL SHE COMES.

I'M EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS. I'M STOKED FOR CHRISTMAS BREAK. BUT I'M NOT WISHING TO RUSH THROUGH THE DAYS LEADING UP TO THESE THINGS. I'M SUCKING THE MARROW OUT OF TODAY- EVEN THOUGH TODAY'S NOT CHRISTMAS.