January 27, 2012

Just For the Record

I like to cook for my husband. I do. I like to cook in general, and it just so happens that my husband would be hopelessly hungry and skinny if I didn't cook for him. (BJ has a way of getting what he wants- in a very non-creepy, non-male-chauvinistic way- from the women around him. His mom started the trend... his sisters gave in a time or two... I came along... and now even my mom makes him sandwiches and guacamole and always makes sure there are goldfish and gatorades in the house for him.) BJ has a very childlike nature and has such an endearing personality about him that all of sudden, in all your effort to help him grow up and thrive independently like a big 25 year-old man...
You find yourself doing menial tasks for him that he could so easily (and should so easily) do for himself. Like: packing him a lunch every day for work, bringing him a glass of chocolate milk in bed at night, cleaning out his closet time and time again, and pulling off his cowboy boots for him at the end of the day. I say this all because I know I blog a lot about cooking for my husband, but it should be known...
I am not a perfect wife.

Now, this goes without saying that I try very hard to be a wonderful wife because my husband treats me well, he is a good man, and he deserves that, but alas, I am definitely not perfect.
I believe in old fashioned male and female roles to some extent. I have a great, big opinion about staying in the home now that I'm a mom, so I think it's only fair that if my husband agrees to work hard every day and bring home money for our family, then I should be willing to pull my side of the load by keeping house, and cooking. That, and the fact that being a homemaker is all I've always wanted to do.
My greatest fear about having children was that mine and BJ's relationship would suffer. I didn't want us to grow apart. I knew I was gonna put a lot of effort, energy, time, and attention into raising our children, and I didn't want to lose the closeness that BJ and I had with each other.
 All my life my dad has said "I love you" innumerably to me. There wasn't a day that went by growing up that I didn't hear those words from him. I remember being absolutely offended one day when my dad admitted that he loved my mom more than he loved me. "What???!!!!" I was outraged! But then I thought about it... and reason began to settle. I learned a great lesson from my dad that day.
Children have a parent's heart in a way that is indescribable. But the relationship between a husband and wife is the most important relationship to cultivate in a family. Children must come second.
Perhaps this is why I spend so much of time preparing meals for BJ. I want him to feel that my entire day is not solely devoted to Ellie. Men are simple creatures and really only want a few things. They want to be fed, they want be praised (even if just in subtle ways- i.e. BJ prefers my time to verbal affirmation,) and they want lovin'. 
I am not a perfect wife,  but I try every single day to be a great one.
BJ needs a woman to feed him, and I'm sure as heck gonna make sure that I'm that woman. 


  1. Ellery you amaze me! Once again I just loved your post and agree wholeheartedly! I think so many people get caught up in raising the children that they forget about their spouse! I'm grateful that you were able to admit that children do come second and that your relationship with your husband is the most important one. Thanks for expressing this! Loved it!

  2. you're wonderful! and again, you ARE the perfect wife. let that be known!

  3. You are an amazing wife... and I agree with your outlook. LOVED this post!

  4. Thanks for this. I've been needing to work on this lately.