Becca's Wedding

November 8th, 2012

At 1 pm this afternoon by best friend from college was sealed to her love in the Salt Lake Temple. As I sat in the sealing room and watched her and Jason enter the room hand in hand, with tears brimming in his eyes and a smile stretching wide across Becca's face, I cried happy tears. I felt for a moment like a mother to Becca: my feelings were tender because of my immense love for her, and I was so proud. 

Becca and I were roommates all throughout college, and for both of us, that was a time of spiritual re-birth and growth, of distinguishing what it was we really wanted and knew was right in life, and it was a time of friendship that felt like sisterhood. After a week of living together Becca and I discovered that we were essentially the same person. We had the same interests and loves. We had the same taste in style and decor. We shared a (sick) passion for food, and for trying to be healthy. We shared a love of dance class and Anthropologie, and antiques, and a great way of procrastinating homework, studying, and paper writing. We came to know each other through long days of rehearsal and late nights lying on each other's beds talking. We made midnight runs to Safeway for cartons of icecream and jars of pickles. We painted nearly every wall in our condo together, and decorated using random objects from the yard, Target, and the craft store. We had picnics on the floor while we watched back to back episodes of Friends, and we celebrated every little holiday together by cooking meals for each other, giving gifts, and exchanging notes. We learned about each other's families and spent time together with our moms. In college Becca was all I needed, and I was all she needed. We hung out together, at home, nearly every weekend. We watched General Conference together and studied our scriptures side by side. We filled journal after journal each year and spent hours driving to and from Mesa to do baptisms at the temple. We both agree that we couldn't have asked for a better college experience, or a better time in our life to share with each other.

Her wedding today was perfect. The sealing started the day off on the perfect note. Our emotions were close to the surface and her feelings of joy permeated the air around her. We were all reminded of the importance of the covenants we make and how they, above all else, are the most important treasures we have in this life.

Becca is incredible. She is talented. She is creative. And she is powerfully unique. I saw Becca for the first time when I was 13 years old. She was dancing, and I remember thinking that she was EXACTLY the kind of dancer I wanted to become. Her ballet technique is exquisite and her passion for the artistry of dance is so visible in the way she moves. Now she channels that creative passion into everything she touches. She is a living example of one of my favorite quotes from Brigham Young:

"Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you... and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations."

Becca made every single decoration that was displayed at her wedding except the flowers. She collected and painted every vase, she made every streamer, she sewed and glued every table runner, and filled the hall with her unique, creative brilliance. The talented florist that she hired admired Becca's talent so much that she asked her if she could come work for her. Becca is excited for a new creative outlet to venture into. She encompasses the unique and rare, feminine quality of adding beauty to every thing around her. Her wedding dinner could not have been more beautiful.

 Like I said the other day, finding and keeping great friends is one of the wisest investments you can ever make. Becca has touched my life literally since the first time I saw her dancing. She inspires me to be pure and focused, and dedicated to the simple, beautiful, uplifting, and important things in life. I love her with all my heart. Happy wedding and the rest of eternity, darling. xoxo

(Becca here with another brilliant, seriously inspiring friend. I'll have to tell you about her another time.)

A Brief Update

I made it successfully to Utah and have a few observations from the day to share:

1. Traveling on election day was the best decision I ever made. Ellie had a seat all to her self and the crowds in the airport and around town were almost non-existant.

2. I made some toys and brought some fun new activities (stickers, crayon holder, and treasure hunt plastic bottle thingy) for Ellie to try on the flight, and discovered that after a while, Ellie is a lot more interested in the "real" stuff around her than any toy or forced activity.

3. Having and keeping good friends is one of the best investments you can ever make. My good friends continue to bless and inspire me year after year after year. 

4. Mitt Romney losing the election just about broke my heart, and BJ was down and out- especially without Ellie and me at his side. I'm still sad about this.

5. Waiting to find out if we got the house actually gets easier with time, although I'm still anxious to know. We should get word today.

6. As much as I wish I could be, it just doesn't seem possible for me to eat in a healthy, disciplined way every single day. Yesterday I ate a lot, but it just gives me more motivation to be healthy today.

7. Exercise feels good, and makes me feel better every. single. time.

Happy Wednesday

Halloween Regrets and a Ferris Wheel

By the end of Halloween night I was in a bad mood. I felt like a bad parent, I was tired, bored, and cranky. Ellie wouldn't go to sleep, and BJ's mom and dad killed us in every round of Rook we played. I ate apple slices for dinner since the soup I had made to put inside pumpkins had been left out for too long and posed potential food posioning. I didn't even take my darling 17 month old trick-or-treating cause I was been practical and lame. I can promise you this: next year Halloween better watch out, cause we are gonna rock the socks off of that darn holiday. I went to bed last night setting parenting goals in my journal, trying to make up in any way I could for my mothering failures of the day.

When I realized this morning that I was running out of days to run to the Irvine Spectrum to shop for a wedding gift for my old roomate's wedding next week (long, confusing sentence), I decided to wait until the evening when BJ could go with me so that we could finally do something a little more fun than sitting in bed at 7:30 watching Fox news. Ellie came with us (like always) and we rode the ferris wheel together. You know, the ferris wheel that BJ proposed to me on in July 2008. The ferris wheel that changed our lives for eternity. The ferris wheel where it all began. The ferris wheel where Ellie Layne became a real possibility. The ferris wheel that I really, really love. That ferris wheel. 

And even after that lovely date to the Irvine Spectrum, and our nostalgic ferris wheel ride, I'm still in a bad mood. We still haven't found out if our offer on the home was accepted, and it has now been FOUR days of waiting, and I ate brownies for lunch today, and brownies and ice cream after dinner tonight. Ugh. No matter how good that dessert tastes in the moment, it never leaves you feeling too great does it? Also (if you hadn't guessed already) it's that time... if you know what I mean. Double ugh.

But look how cute she is.

 I'll say goodnight now, because I believe that's enough venting for one night.

A Random Goodnight Post

It is 8:03 p.m. and I am in bed and exhausted. My teeth have been brushed. My face has been washed, and I am ready to call it a night. I've been excited about getting back to blogging again, so I'll leave you with a little video just for fun. Have a wonderful Halloween tomorrow. I think I may carve and roast some pumpkins to fill with soup and then have some friends over.

On another note, we made an offer on a house yesterday and I am praying and praying and praying that this is the one. You can pray for me too if you'd like. I'd really appreciate it.

Our Favorite Park

Yorba Regional Park never fails to be a treat. Every single time we go there we see ducks, dogs, squirrels, and several playgrounds to monkey around on. Ellie and I are really gonna miss this park when we move away.



Trunk or Treat 2012

This year for Halloween our family was "America's Comeback Team," "The Hope of America," "Believers in America," Mitt, Ann, and grandbaby Romney. We went to the ward "Trunk or Treat' and were delighted watching Ellie take it all in. She was exhausted before the party started and was sound asleep when we got there, but woke up and ate some chili, paraded in the costume parade, and danced to the music. She loved going from car to car saying "a treat" "a treat" (her version of "trick or treat") and loved carrying around her orange felt pail/re-purposed easter basket filled with candy. There are moments as a mother when I am mesmerized by my daugther. I watch her as she experiences new things and she is irresistibly beautiful to me. Last night was one of those nights. I saw things through Ellie's eyes, and it was magical.

Ellie dancing...

And what would Halloween be without a little kiss? Or 4? Ellie and Luke are the cutest couple.

Now Ellie's (SLOWLY) working her way through her candy stash. She ate her first Ring Pop today at church and was in hog heaven. I think that may be her new prefered binky.

Ellie Took All the Cups Out of the Drawer and Kicked Them

and I laughed.

Ellie's First Craft

Ellie and I made some crafts on Friday afternoon. She fell in love with ghosts at my parent's house in September when she saw the ghost line (a zipline-type contraption that carries floating ghosts around the rooftops of my parent's cul-de-sac) and hasn't stopped saying "dough!" (ghost) ever since. So we traced her feet to make a ghost card for daddy, made ghosts out of suckers and tissues, and traced her hands to make a "Jeepers Creepers!" card for her Sweetheart. She was as good as gold at the grocery store knowing we were shopping to get stuff to make "dough"! This was such a fun, sweet way to spend some quality time with my 17 month old baby girl. We both loved it.

Healthy Goals

I came across a blog this week that has me feeling extremely motivated and excited to set some goals and begin making healthier choices in a couple areas in my life. One goal I mentioned in my last post was that I wanted to start trying to make the large majority of the things I eat pack at least a little bit of a nutritional punch. I mentioned putting arugula on pizza, and although I didn't have arugula on hand, spinach on top of my left over margherita worked beautifully. A few mini dark chocolate chips on top of my greek yogurt with lots of fruit and a little homemade granola was incredibly satisying and carried me all the way from lunch at noon on Saturday to dinner at 7. That's pretty good for me. 

And this homemade granola (I'll post the recipe sometime) is simply, heaven, especially with berries, apples, pomegranate, and almonds.

Another goal is to not snack at night, and drink more water, and this helps me feel much better. Another goal is to do something active every day even if it's just stretching, a little stroll around the block, or teaching a class. Overall, I'm just trying to put a little more emphasis on taking good care of this body of mine, and it feels really, really good.

Sometimes I'm My Most Ambitious at Night

When the house is quiet, and as I listen to the Santa Ana's toss around the leaves outside our open bedroom window, my mind swirls with desires, goals, and dreams. Tonight is one of those nights. I know that lying down is futile at this point, so I'm going to let my thoughts run out onto this page...

I'm wondering tonight why I haven't spoken more on my blog in the past about exercising, when it plays as central of a role in my life as it does. Since graduating college, learning to juggle a full time job, and becoming a mother in the last 4 years, I've come to establish a personal exercise philosophy if you will. Silly as it may be, using the word "exercise" instead of "working out" in my mind became an important distinction. I love to move my body. I love to develop and tone muscle. I love to exert myself physically in ways that challenge me. But personally, I have found that the "gym" environment can be a toxic place for me. When I'm at the gym I spend a lot of time comparing, a lot of time judging wrongly, and so often am floundering for variation. When I am outside, or at home, or in a class environment however, I feel much more calm mentally, and even have quiet spiritual moments that are treasured memories to me. I've also found that when I'm exercising in a way that I love, I don't feel like I'm being punished like I used to every time I walked through the doors at Gold's Gym. When I exercise in this way, I can accomodate my routine every day to suit the time I have, and also the amount of energy I'm running on. I can listen to conference talks when I exercise, and I also love that my baby sees me taking care of my body. Walking, bodyrock, dancing, yoga, pilates, and stretching are my favorite ways to move and even though they are lower impact, I told BJ recently that I feel like I may be in the best shape of our married life.

When I was in college I tried harder than ever to eat as healthfully as I possibly could. I tried to limit my fat, sugar, sodium, processed, and animal food intake as much as possible, and never in my life have I been as heavy as I was those 3 years. One piece of advice I loved in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is to not tell yourself "no" when you crave or want something that's not good for you, but to try and figure out some way to add a little nutritional value to what you're eating, so you're not essentially wasting calories. I think this is such a wise principal. For instance, last night I made some apple cobbler. It was very sugary, and didn't have a lot of substance and I've been thinking ever since that the cobbler would have been much better if I had left the peels on the apples, added more oats and less sugar to the crumble, and given the crust more texture, substance, and health benefit by adding chopped nuts as well. Reconsidering the toppings on frozen yogurt to maybe include a little fruit, or adding arugula to the top of my pizza are both great ways to add some benefit to the calories I'm consuming. I want to make this a new goal. I want to be a little more careful about eating for good health, and paying attention to the way the food I'm taking in really improves, or inhibits the way I feel.

Being a mom isn't quite the way I imagined it would be... at least not all the time. There are sacred, breathtaking moments, no doubt, but there are a lot of minutes in the day when I am selfish, time when I want to do what I want, and not have to continually meet Ellie's minute to minute needs and desires. That, for me, has been the single most challenging aspect of motherhood- learning to be unselfish with my time. Being the youngest child in my family, I had so much independent time. I spent so many hours by myself or with just my mom, or just one friend. All day every day was essentially about me. I know this is how it is for most people before they become a mother, but I feel that I in particular, am a fairly independent person. I love my baby. I love to cuddle her and kiss her and love on her. I love to bathe her and dress her and take her places with me. But there were a lot of years spent doing just what I wanted, and I guess I'm surprised how challenging it has been to happily turn my time to someone else's desires every moment of every day. (Maybe that's why I love the evenings when I can be all alone, thinking and breathing, and dreaming all by myself.)

Our hearts are broken for a few of our loved rights now- friends and family members who are facing such harrowing challenges. All I can say is... our hearts are full and heavy with our love and sympathy for you. I don't know what we'd all do without the Savior. He is the only way any of this works out. How blessed we are to know Him.

I can't wait to decorate my own home. I'm hoping I'll have the opportunity sooner, rather than later. My perma-nesting has been in hibernation for the last year and two months and I'm about ready to burst. I hope I even remember how to do this! There are too many places to turn for inspiration. Oh, and did I mention we will have our own yard?! A yard!!! I think I see a garden in my future!

At this time of year I LOOOOOOOVE to cook. I love to be in the kitchen. I could read a thousand cook book, and I could literally kiss Ina Garten right now.

I just got called to be the Beehive advisor in our ward. I am thrilled about my calling, about the girls I get to teach, and about the women I will be serving with. I am especially excited about the new curriculum the church has developed to teach the youth. Now, we as teachers, are urged to make the lessons about the youth. There is much, much more flexibility in the "lesson" you present each week. You study a unit and select what points you feel are relevant and important for the youth at that given time, and then you basically treat the teaching time as much more of a discussion time. You ask questions, you listen to answers and experiences, and you let the children guide you, with the Spirit, so you can cover what needs to be taught. This is how the Savior taught. How appropriate. How inspired. And what a challenge. I always say that I love to speak more than I love to teach. When you speak YOU are in control. If you prepare well, all you have to do is clearly present the information, and you're as good as gold- a perfectly manageable situation. Teaching like Christ, however, is not about control, nor power. It is about love. It is about listening, and understanding. That seems to make a lot more sense.

I am grateful also for the opportunity I have to teach dance. It blesses me. It brings me a lot of happiness. I hope that I not only will make my dancers better at dance, but that I will teach them in a Christlike way, and that they will loved and the desire to be better. Today my Stake President shared a thought at our training meeting,

"The wolf that wants the sheep wants the shepherd more."

That is a call to duty for me as a mother and teacher. I am happy to have that call.

Hey Ellie Layne,

I love you, bug-a-boo.