Beejer and Me

2012-02-10T20:06:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but I loved my baby today more than I ever have. I cried tonight as I nursed her and rocked her to sleep. That baby has done something magical to me. She will always be my baby girl. She will always hold a special place in my heart for making me a mother, but more so just for being her. She is such a special girl.

2012-02-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

It was arollercoaster today,

but I love my baby.

2012-02-07T22:08:00.000-07:00

Wish me luck!

Tomorrow and the next day I will temporarily be the mother of five
children. I'll be watching my sister-in-law's children at her home with Ellie at my side. I be picking up children from school, running the babies to the park, cooking dinner, nursing sick children while trying to keep Ellie healthy, packing lunches, putting kids to bed (gulp,) and doing five hairs of head in the morning (counting mine, Ellie's, and Courtney's three girls.) Should I be scared?

...............................

I am obnoxiously excited about my new phone, primarily because now I can use instagram. I think I posted 10 pictures before 9 a.m. this morning. The people following me are probably second guessing their judgement about now. My favorite instagram photos of the day (it is hard to narrow it down):

hope youhad a good one.

2012-02-07T11:12:00.002-07:00

This’ll get ya...

today on my sister in law's blog she wrote:

I love when our eyes meet

across the messy,

toy-filled living room,

and we smile at each other

like we're the luckiest couple

in the world.........

Because we are.

that made me cry- i know the feeling.
(poem via Em's blog, via Pinterest)

2012-02-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

Today I gotan iphone!

I am thrilled. ellie is too because now she gets to have my old phone for keeps.

bj is not as thrilled because he had to fork out $257... and he's also a little jealous of my iphone 4gs. he's gonna regret getting a droid... i just know it.

i can finally be welcomed into the instagram club. i've been waiting so long for that.

you can find me on instagram @ ellerypugmire

hope your day was lovely.

I'm so happy about my new phone i practically feel likei'm flying.

over andout.

2012-02-05T23:34:00.001-07:00

“Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.”

–BibleDictionary

.

2012-02-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

a littlebackground

Beejer stands for my husband: BJ Pugmire. He is one year my elder. He is an athlete. He is a little boy in almost every way. He treats me with more sensitivity than anyone I've ever known, and that is my favorite thing about him.

I named the blog Beejer and Me because I knew the blog would be about me and my life, and my life is comprised of the days I share with him.

I blog because I love to write, and because my blog holds me accountable to take pictures of my life- something I was horrible at before, and something that still takes an unnatural amount of effort on my end.

I write what I think, which usually involves my husband, my baby, my future babies, my home, or food. Those are things I care the most about.

I love beautiful things. I love feminine things. I love being a wife, a homemaker, and a mother, and this is my space to write about it.

Note to Self...

2012-02-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

Letting Ellie grab fist-fulls of cottage cheese to self-feed is a messy endeavor- proceed with caution.

A New Discovery

2012-02-05T18:23:00.000-07:00

I've never been the most social person in the world. In high school I had three girlfriends. They were my best friends and we still get together as often as we can manage- what with Stephanie living in Johannesburg, South Africa, McKenzie busy as a mother of two, Liz living her newly engaged, 6th grade teaching life, and myself greatly distanced in California.

I had essentially one friend in college. We lived together. We danced together. We drove to Mesa, Phoenix, and Scottsdale together. Our professors often called us the wrong name, me: Becca, her: Ellery. Even a dance instructor that never taught us at the same time, who didn't know we came as a package deal, called her Ellery one day in class.

I just haven't been a girl that felt like she needed a lot of friends.

BJ obviously is my right hand man now; the person that I do everything with. But it literally wasn't until a couple weeks ago that I came to a realization:

Life is a lot more fun with friends.

Of course BJ and I have had our couple friends: Brian and Cat (sniff, sniff- we miss you,) and also Tanner and Megan. But me, myself, I haven't spent much time making girlfriends until recently.

There are a lot of young moms in our ward and we've been having so much fun together:

planning dinner parties, going on "fieldtrips" together each Friday, yoga class in the basement at night, girls nights, library dates, and bookclub. It took me a while to put my finger on, but having girlfriends, especially as a new mother, is essential.

I'm feeling a lot more at home here in California, and I think it's largely due to the fact that I have my own friends now. Having friends here solidifies me in my surroundings and I don't feel so much like I'm just here on vacation anymore.

Ellie's got a few good buddies here now too, and though for the most part she is unable to interact with them, she always breathes really hard in excitement initially upon seeing them, and then reaches out to grab any body part she can get, leaning in to give a big, slobbery, open-mouth kiss.

Today I Became an Official Californian

2012-02-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

I now own a California driver's license. Pretty weird huh?

................................................................

After the cookie fiasco yesterday I decided to buckle down and provide my body with some nutritious food. My sweet tooth has been out of the roof lately. Who am I kidding? My self-control has been non-existent, my sweet tooth is always around. Anyway, after a trip to the DMV, a morning of laundry, and a trip to my favorite grocery store, dinner was prepared.

BJ exclaimed that the sweet potato fries were my best yet, and indeed, they were! Ellie loved 'em too. We threw them to her across the room to content her so we could eat in peace.

If you have a Trader Joe's nearby, go buy the Sweet Potato Frites in the freezer section. They'll probably be your best sweet potato fries yet too! Not soggy like my homemade ones, they're nice and crunchy, just like the ones you get in the restaurants.

Over and out!

I'm Happy It's February

2012-02-01T16:38:00.001-07:00

Whether or not the month of January is good for me, it always feels like the longest month of the year. It's such a welcome relief when February 1st rolls around. It feels like I just finished the cardio segment of my workout, or tendus from fifth position at the barre in ballet class. Whether or not January turns out well; I'm always glad when it's over.

I think part of the relief is actually just excitement to see Valentine's decorations displayed at home and cinnamon hearts on sale at the grocery store. I think February is a seriously under-rated month. I heart Valentine's Day. I think it is the cutest holiday of the year.

Due to my unrelenting sweet tooth, and my corny desire to create a Valentine's-themed photo shoot, I made red velvet whoopie pies today. I am satisfied to conclude that my baking skills are improving... I'm finally learning how to turn out a decent cookie.

Speaking of Valentine's day, have you seen the previews for "The Vow?" I love Rachel McAdams, so this movie is already on our Valentine's Day agenda.

Over and out.

My Baby Felt Like a Baby Today

2012-01-31T23:51:00.001-07:00

Ellie woke up today and was in the mood to cuddle. She stayed in that mood for the remainder of the day, and as a result, stayed in my arms or lap for the majority of it. She didn't squirm and reach to explore and boast her independence, she just stayed quietly in my arms. I must have kissed her chubby cheeks at least 400 times. Oh it felt good to me a mother today.

Lately I've been a little freaked out by how old Ellie is seeming. She's on the road to walking, completely bypassing the option to crawl, and I'm already fine-tuning the details of her first birthday party (still a few months away... I'm getting ahead of myself.) I'm loving how her personality blossoms as she gets older, how I can now see her hill-billy teeth as they break through the gums, and how what used to be a gentle giggle is now a full-fledged laugh from deep in her gut. But I'm sad that the "baby" stage is such a fleeting moment. My baby is gonna be a toddler before I know it.

I just hope there are plenty more days like today... days where all she wants is to rest in the arms of her mama. I don't care if she's eight months old or eighteen years. I'll always welcome days like today.

2012-01-30T23:26:00.001-07:00

2012-01-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

"How much do I love you?"

I'll tell you no lie.

How deep is the ocean?

How high is the sky?

How many times in a day

do I think of you?

How many roses

are sprinkled with dew?

How far would I travel

just to be where you are?

How far is the journey

from here to a star?

And if I ever lost you

How much would I cry?

How deep is the ocean?

How high is the sky?"

-Etta James

Yesterday I...

2012-01-28T13:46:00.001-07:00

helped, encouraged, and monitored Ellie while she cruised (held onto things and walked) around the apartment,

and made pizza,

and that basically sums up my day.

Just For the Record

2012-01-27T11:09:00.002-07:00

I like to cook for my husband. I do. I like to cook in general, and it just so happens that my husband would be hopelessly hungry and skinny if I didn't cook for him. (BJ has a way of getting what he wants- in a very non-creepy, non-male-chauvinistic way- from the women around him. His mom started the trend... his sisters gave in a time or two... I came along... and now even my mom makes him sandwiches and guacamole and always makes sure there are goldfish and gatorades in the house for him.) BJ has a very childlike nature and has such an endearing personality about him that all of sudden, in all your effort to help him grow up and thrive independently like a big 25 year-old man...

WHAM!!!

You find yourself doing menial tasks for him that he could so easily (and should so easily) do for himself. Like: packing him a lunch every day for work, bringing him a glass of chocolate milk in bed at night, cleaning out his closet time and time again, and pulling off his cowboy boots for him at the end of the day. I say this all because I know I blog a lot about cooking for my husband, but it should be known...

I am not a perfect wife.

Now, this goes without saying that I try very hard to be a wonderful wife because my husband treats me well, he is a good man, and he deserves that, but alas, I am definitely not perfect.

I believe in old fashioned male and female roles to some extent. I have a great, big opinion about staying in the home now that I'm a mom, so I think it's only fair that if my husband agrees to work hard every day and bring home money for our family, then I should be willing to pull my side of the load by keeping house, and cooking. That, and the fact that being a homemaker is all I've always wanted to do.

My greatest fear about having children was that mine and BJ's relationship would suffer. I didn't want us to grow apart. I knew I was gonna put a lot of effort, energy, time, and attention into raising our children, and I didn't want to lose the closeness that BJ and I had with each other.

All my life my dad has said "I love you" innumerably to me. There wasn't a day that went by growing up that I didn't hear those words from him. I remember being absolutely offended one day when my dad admitted that he loved my mom more than he loved me. "What???!!!!" I was outraged! But then I thought about it... and reason began to settle. I learned a great lesson from my dad that day.

Children have a parent's heart in a way that is indescribable. But the relationship between a husband and wife is the most important relationship to cultivate in a family. Children must come second.

Perhaps this is why I spend so much of time preparing meals for BJ. I want him to feel that my entire day is not solely devoted to Ellie. Men are simple creatures and really only want a few things. They want to be fed, they want be praised (even if just in subtle ways- i.e. BJ prefers my time to verbal affirmation,) and they want lovin'.

I am not a perfect wife, but I try every single day to be a great one.

BJ needs a woman to feed him, and I'm sure as heck gonna make sure that I'm that woman.

Because sometimes you just NEED donuts for breakfast.

2012-01-26T08:43:00.002-07:00

You know what I mean?

On My Mind- Part 2

2012-01-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

I spoke on the phone with my big sister yesterday. We of course talked about babies and motherhood- the hot topic of conversation between my sisters and me. My sister has four beautiful girls. (Seriously beautiful girls.) We shared experiences and she showered her wisdom and motherly expertise upon me. She loves being a mother, and she especially loves raising four girls. What a calling! Four daughters! We spoke about womanhood and femininity.

Isn't it nice to be a girl?

It is a noble calling to be a mother. We have such an important job. Much personal evaluation goes on in my head and prayers every day. I try to make adjustments and improvements to see that I am raising my daughter the way that she deserves to be raised. At stake conference on Saturday night the thought crossed my mind,

"If I died today could I stand before my maker and say that I had raised Ellie the way He would have wanted me to?"

I know that I was created to be a mother. I know that I was created to be a woman that is kind, nurturing, and loving. I know that I was created to reach out to others.

I hope more than anything, when all is said and done and Ellie Layne leaves my home to venture out into the wide world on her own, I pray that she desires to be a mother. Motherhood encompasses all that is lovely about womanhood. It is the crowning jewel of being a lady.

I am so honored to be a woman, to be a mother, and to have daughter all my own. We will strive to continue the legacy our remarkable ancestors left for us.

On My Mind- Part 1

2012-01-24T22:57:00.002-07:00

On Sunday we attended stake conference and watched a broadcast that was given for all the stakes in southern California. Paul V. Johnson shared a story about his daughter that had me in tears. It's been on my mind ever since.

A mother was out shopping one Saturday to find a gift for a birthday party her daughters would be attending for their young cousin. She spotted a beautiful music box- the kind that opens up to reveal a twirling ballerina and a sweet, twinkling tune. She stood looking at the music box, which came in a small, and large size, and knew that they were just the sort of thing a young little girl would love. After much time standing and looking she decided to buy one small music box for her niece's birthday, and two large music boxes to save and give her daughters for Christmas.

That night as she tucked her daughters into bed she talked with them about the birthday party and before she even completed her sentence describing the music box she bought for their cousin, her youngest daughter was in hysterical tears. The mother was bewildered and asked her daughter what was wrong with the gift she had chosen. In between the broken sobs her daughter confessed, "That is the exact kind of present that I want! That's all I want is a music box like that!"

The mother held her daughter and offered what she thought would be a glimmer of hope, "Well sweetie, maybe for Christmas you could get a music box that's even more beautiful than this one."

The daughter rebutted, "There isn't a more beautiful box than that one! That is the perfect one!"

The mother couldn't help but smile to herself knowing what her downtrodden daughter had in store. She would not only get a beautiful music box too, but her music box would be even bigger and grander than the one she was hoping for.

Through the sound of her daughter's tears and her own words of consolation, inspired thoughts came into her mind. The sweet mother thought how often times she is just like her daughter- full of hope and longing for things she think would be the very best... things she would like to have now. But often her vision is short-sighted. Often times her Father in heaven has a much greater gift in store for her than what she can even imagine, if only she would wait in patience to receive it. She thought about herself- a precious child of a Heavenly Father who loves her more than she understands. He, like this mother, knows and loves His children. All he wants is to give them gifts that are beautiful and grand. Often these gifts require waiting, just as the little daughter experienced, but if we wait patiently on the Lord and trust in His love for us, one day we will receive our big, beautiful music box.

This story inevitably led me to tears... and led my thoughts to many different places...

namely:

3 Nephi 14:11- "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father who is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"

...and, "So many people today are waiting for their own golden ticket- the ticket that they believe holds the key to the happiness they have always dreamed about. There is nothing wrong with righteous yearnings- we hope and seek after things that are virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy." The problem comes when we put our happiness on hold as we wait for some future event- our golden ticket- to appear." Dieter F. Uchtdorf "Forget Me Not"

"In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, yours education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf "Forget Me Not"
I am so grateful for moments like the one I had on Sunday- moments of clarity, moments of revelation from God, and moments of comfort from the Spirit. There is so much to be grateful for when God is in our lives.

2012-01-23T23:15:00.003-07:00

I've had so much on my mind lately... in a good way. I feel like I'm really getting a lot out of this clean-slate feeling of a new year. I feel ambitious, grateful, contemplative, and happy. I have so much I wanna write about- a story I wanna share and thoughts that need documentation. But tonight is not the night for that. Words will come eventually, just not tonight.

2012-01-22T00:49:00.001-07:00

Friday Fieldtrip at Roger's Gardens

2012-01-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine had a great idea to go on little excursions together each Friday with our little peanuts. She has a son that's just two weeks younger than Ellie, and he's a doll. Today we went to Roger's Gardens in Newport Beach and our friend Jenna joined us with her two girls. Roger's Gardens is a nursery, or "the nursery" of Orange County- according to my mother-in-law JaLayne. The gardens are so beautiful. They go on and on and on. We three wound our strollers along the winding paths of the gardens and pointed out poppies, succulents, and "pink ones" to each other and the little ones. This trip reaffirmed my greatest desire... a home of our own with a yard and a garden. One day my friends will come to Ellery's Gardens.

I used to describe the color of Ellie's eyes as a "denim blue," but now they're becoming a lot lighter and crystal-y. Man alive she is a pretty girl.

This lettuce... I want it all right outside my kitchen door.

My childhood best friend's dad used to call her petunia. I couldn't help but think of her... and Alice in Wonderland.

Oh the snap dragons! These scream childhood to me!

Ellie liked them too... naturally.

Heavenly Father is so good to us. This world is beautiful. What ever would we do without flowers and plants?

It was such a nice day. I'm always amazed at how inspired I am just by seeing something beautiful. There is so much beauty in the world, and so much beauty to be created. That is why I love to stay at home. I try hard to make my home (or my temporarily borrowed apartment) a beautiful place to be.

Over and out folks.

I'm Cookin'...He's Eatin'

2012-01-20T12:19:00.001-07:00

BJ's on a mission to gain some weight and add a little mass to his sinewy physique. Beej has never been big and bulky, but he decided the other day that enough was enough... he wants his muscles back.

Cue me.

As a result, I have been spending a lot of time in the kitchen lately- which I love. I hate protein shakes... I hate preparing my husband protein shakes... and I hate my husband drinking protein shakes. I would prefer him to get his calories and protein in a healthier, more delicious fashion. We've been eating hot breakfasts together each day this week, and of course dinner together at night. I send him to work each day with his lunch pail packed full of goods. This is one area I feel very old-fashioned about... I love to cook for my husband. Anyone that knows BJ well knows that he does not cook for himself. This doesn't frustrate me. In fact, I relish the opportunity to pamper him in this way. I like to be the wife in the kitchen makin' some home cookin' for my man.

(Breakfast: oatmeal, egg white, and cottage cheese pancakes with peanut butter, bananas, syrup, and vanilla bean sugar. And a tall goblet of chocolate milk.)

(Lunch: red quinoa with chicken, tomatoes, corn, black beans, caramelized onions, lettuce, and salsa.)

(Dinner: Italian tortellini soup, rosemary bread, and homemade bruschetta.)

You'll have to imagine the peanut butter m & m's and chocolate chips I eat continually throughout the day yourself. I don't take pictures of those.

Happy home cookin'!

There's a Funny Thing About Being a Parent...

2012-01-18T14:54:00.003-07:00

No matter how much you love 'em...

when your children go to bed...

it feels like heaven...

It is but 10:30 and I have...

2012-01-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

woken up.

done yoga.

made the bed.

fed my baby.

fed my husband (pancakes.)

fed myself (pancakes.)

bathed Ellie.

lotioned and clothed Ellie.

showered.

gotten ready.

washed, dryed, and folded one load of laundry.

read my scriptures.

prayed.

called three friends.

planned lunch and dinner.

mended a hole in my leggings.

read Ellie 1/2 of two books.

played patty cake twelve times.

it's a good day.

Tulips and a Kitchen Sink

2012-01-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

It's been over a week and I'm still not in the mood to blog.

I could brag about how I'm absolutely adoring the current stage Ellie's in, or how I'm gradually falling more and more in love with living in southern California. Instead I'll simply let you know that I'm cooking, mothering, laundering, wife-ing, and happy to be back in my own domain.

1st Annual New Year Theme Celebration

2012-01-09T23:52:00.003-07:00

On the night of January 1st I couldn't sleep. I stayed up late into the night writing goals for the new year in my journal. I was feeling a need for change... a need for improvement. I felt a great desire to elevate my way of living and to spend more of my time focused and devoted to the things that matter most. I continued the next day to try and pinpoint all the characteristics I was hoping to tweak, and attempted to consolidate these ambitions I was feeling. In not much time at all I stumbled upon a scripture that perfectly summarized the attempts I was striving to make:

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither most nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." -Matthew 6:19-20

This precisely summarized the desires I was feeling. I want to live mindfully. I want cut out the activities in my day that are frivolous and without meaning. I want to spend more time with my thoughts directed toward God and becoming that best version of myself that he can make me. My thoughts continued to snowball till eventually I had thoroughly planned out what became tonight:

the "1st Annual New Year Theme Celebration"

This year's theme: Treasures in Heaven

This idea was originally intended for BJ, Ellie, and myself, but this time my mom, Kim, and JaLayne came along too. (Good thing since my mom was my right hand man helping me every step of the way.)

The menu included:

Vegetarian Cobb Salad

with kidney beans, carrots, edamame, egg, tomatoes, corn, and avocado atop romaine and iceberg

Waldorf Salad with greek yogurt dressing and nutmeg garnish

Potatoes Au Gratin with gouda cheese

Miniature Baguettes (which are hiding under the dishtowel)

and sparkling juice

Ellie wiggled in my arms and reached for my plate as we ate dinner together. We had a family home evening lesson in which we joined in a rousing chorus of "The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock," and we set goals to try and lay up treasures in heaven, and spend less time and energy focusing on earthly treasures.

I spend a lot of time now that we've started our family thinking about traditions I'd like my little family to share. And although Ellie won't fully understand the significance of the Annual New Year Theme Celebration for at least a little while, I hope it is a tradition that we'll carry on and that our little family will come to love and treasure.

Over and out.

(Oh, and I made dessert and was soooo excited about it: Tucson Brownies- otherwise known as Texas Sheet Cake- and it royally failed. It was awful. I have my work cut out for me. I am on a mission to perfect my Tucson Brownie making skills. Wish me luck.)

Lady Gaga

2012-01-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

A sweet old lady at church today told me that Ellie looked like Lady Gaga...

I think I'll take that as a compliment.

Thoughts Cause I Can't Sleep

2012-01-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

I'm back in California. I'm amazed that it's actually beginning to feel like home here. I felt proud today when I overheard a conversation today on the airplane between a Californian and an Idahoan. The California told the Idahoan he lived in Corona and I was beaming inside as I thought, "Corona! I know exactly where that is! I know just what freeway to take to get there." Momentarily, I felt like a California native.

It feels so good to be in a place that's mine (temporarily at least... I know this apartment in the Pugmire's house isn't really mine.) I am a homemaker at heart. I feel content and fulfilled when I am organizing, cleaning, beautifying and nurturing my, and my family's space. I'm happy to be folding and putting away clothes, to be planning meals for my husband, and pitter-pattering around and putting my house "to bed" like I always like to at night. It feels good to be back in the swing of things- paying bills, and living responsibly again.

(BJ and I are fully aware that we will never live in a nicer, more beautiful home than this one we get to live in right now. We are grateful.)

I feel so blessed right now, so anxious and ambitious about this new year. Thoughts about goals and desires for 2012 have been brewing in my mind for a couple of weeks now. There is so much I want to make better and improve in the way that I live my life. I'm planning a family night to discuss these thoughts of mine with BJ on Monday. I want to make it special and meaningful for the way that we will direct our course this year.

I'm simply thrilled tonight, and I should be exhausted since it is nearly 1 a.m. on the current Utah time my body is still functioning on. I am happy to be back here with BJ. I am excited about what this new year holds. I'm grateful for the opportunity BJ has to work for his dad here in California. I'm grateful to be charting this new course... living in a new place, and creating my family and the life I want us to have together. Happy 2012 everyone.

Letter to BJ #8

2012-01-06T20:38:00.001-07:00

Hey Beej. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, and I really can't wait for you to see Ellie. She's practically a grown-up. I love you. See you at noon. xoxo,

Elle

Letter to BJ #7

2012-01-04T16:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Beej,

We went to Marley's today to eat with the family and I told Donny I was sad we didn't go there when we lived here. Sliders (miniature burgers) are their specialty, and they are incredible. I got two. One was a hamburger slider with bacon, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, avocados, grilled onions and fry sauce. The other one was a pulled turkey slider with cranberry sauce, avocado, bacon, lettuce, and tomato. It was so, so good. Now we've got a hamburger joint to go along with our hot dog joint when we come visit.

Then we went to Provo Beach Resort and went bowling. Since school is back in session we were the only ones there, which was ideal. I couldn't help but flash back in my mind to our first date bowling with Dani Bree and Sterling.

Our daughter is getting so big honey. She is getting another tooth on the bottom... that's 5! How is she getting so big?

I am really praying that Ellie starts sleeping normally when we return to California cause I'm losing my desire to be compassionate when she wakes up at night. I'm just so tired.

Two days left babe. I can't wait to see you. All my love,

Elle

Letter to BJ #6

2012-01-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hey babe,

Sorry this letter is late. I spent last night chatting with my sisters and mom, and watching Love Actually- not blogging. Yesterday was really nice, not super eventful, but nice. Yesterday morning I took Ellie on a walk and passed by some of my favorite houses. I can't wait til the day when we have our own house, Beej. I don't care if it's small, in fact, I think small houses are often the most charming. I just want a home that's ours- a home where we can raise our family, where we can start and carry out traditions, a place where we can sit on the porch and watch our kids play, a place where we can set up a trampoline or a treehouse, a place where I can create the kind of refuge that I want you and our children to come home to. I want to cook, homemake, and for goodness sakes, even clean a house that is all ours. Again, I don't care if it's small. I 'll work in the yard and keep a little garden of tomatoes and herbs. You'll work in the yard and teach the kids to rake leaves, weed flower beds, and mow the lawn. (I guess you'll have to learn to do that yourself first. ;) ) It'll be a good day when we turn the key and open the door to a home that's all our own. It might be a townhome, a condo, an old, not very nice house, or possibly even an apartment. But it will be ours, and it will be lovely.

I walked past this house yesterday:

I love this home. I showed it to you when we were here for Thanksgiving. It's not incredibly spectacular in size, but this house has so much going for it. Besides the undeniable charm of the red doors, I love this home because a family lives there. Every time I pass by it I see signs of a family: dad and son in the backyard together, small bicycles left on the front porch, a trampoline and a hot tub in the backyard, and the touch of a detail oriented mother. I love this house.

We'll have a house like this one day, Beej.

I also love this one: (showed it to you last time too)

Anyway, I'm always dreaming. One of my favorite things is driving around with you and looking at houses. We should schedule a date to do this when I get home.

Yesterday was fun. Most noteworthy, obviously, is Mitt winning the Iowa caucus! Can you believe it? I love him. I love how he quoted lines from America the Beautiful. Life is good Beej. I'm getting so anxious to see you. I'm dreaming of you too. Always.

I love you to the moon and back,

Elle

Letter to BJ #5

2012-01-02T23:16:00.000-07:00

Hey honey,

I have pictures for you today from our hike to the Y. It was so fun. We've really got to do that together sometime. Today the weather was beautiful. We were outside this afternoon in jeans and shirt-sleeves (as your and my dad would say.) I felt like I was in California- only without you, nor any green grass or blooming plants.

We went to lunch at Pizza Pie Cafe. Their dessert pizza is amazing I might add. (Namely: cookie dough pizza. I had a HUGE piece of it.)

I bought a small gift for McKenzie's baby at Gymboree and bought Ellie some leggings and a shirt too. Stephanie, Liz, and I met at McKenzie's house and chatted for two hours. I love those girls. (I have some juicy updates for you that I'd better not publicly display here on the internet.)

Tonight when I came home my siblings and parents and I took the color code personality test. I was shocked to find that my mom was not predominantly red... she was blue and white mostly. Donny was almost entirely white, which really, really suits him. We don't have much yellow going on in this family. I guess we're all just a bunch of duds. ;)

Ellie is having such a hard time sleeping here. She's happy as can be during the day if I, or Em are around. But she seems to get nervous when I'm away or when she's in our room trying to go to sleep by herself. She's so sweet. Her eyes and nose are still running like crazy. I can't wait for you to see her. I really think she misses you. I sure do. I hope you're doing well my dear. Have a good night. I'm thinking of you. xoxo,

Elle

Living the Abundant Life

2012-01-01T22:36:00.004-07:00

This is a deviation from my letters to BJ, but something I couldn't go without posting. At the turn of this new year take a look at this article by President Monson... Living the Abundant Life.

Letter to BJ #4

2012-01-01T21:34:00.001-07:00

Hey Beej,

Sorry I'm late with the letter. I'm glad that you were anxiously awaiting it. Yesterday was busy and exciting and there wasn't a lot of time for blogging. I started the morning again with yoga- Ellie watched and played nearby on the floor. I worked with Meredith on her solo. We ate lunch and then drove up to Midway to go ice skating. I didn't skate cause I knew my mom would need help watching the babies and I wanted to put our new camera to use. (Our new camera is lovely, FYI.) We came home and had a great dinner and then played games all together. We played charades and you should have seen my dad acting out "Ronald Weasley." I didn't stay awake til midnight, but we banged pots and pans at ten, so I din't feel too bad about the situation.

Today Ellie and I stayed home from church. (We need you here to keep us in line. ;) ) I haven't slept well for days, because Ellie hasn't slept well since we got here. As a result, I woke up this morning with a headache in full force, and Ellie's nose was running like a faucet- as well as her left eye. We took two naps together today- the first, an hour and a half... the second- three hours. We ate dinner: ribs and salmon, and now we're watching Big Bang Theory together- trying to get Katie and Jason to see the light.

We're having fun, but I sure wish you were here... or that I could somehow be in two places at once. I hope Dani and Daron are keeping you entertained. I love you honey. Enjoy these awesome pictures. I love my family. And you. xoxo- Elle

Don't you love Katie's boys minnion hats? So cute. And you know Em made Tate's owl hat. Love it.

Letter to BJ #3

2011-12-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hi BJ!

Today was fun- ironically so (I mean, we went to a funeral for crying out loud.) We didn't do anything exceptionally wonderful, but some days just seem to be naturally better than others. Today was one of those days. It started with 7 a.m. yoga by me while Ellie sat on the floor and watched, smiled, talked, and played with a pom-pom. We ate breakfast. Dad, Em, Tate, Ellie and I went up the canyon to feed ducks, but to no avail. All the streams, ponds, and lakes we visited were frozen and duckless. We got ready for the funeral and hung out. Ellie fell off the bed at the end of her nap and I found her wailing on the floor, face-down. (Heartbreaker.) We had a photo shoot in our fancy funeral duds.

Ellie fell asleep on our way to the funeral and slept for about half of it. She was a little restless once she woke up and although she was buried deep in her fury pink coat and new fury white hat, I think was a little chilly. Her nose would not stop running today.

We came home and changed our clothes and then all went to Bajio for dinner. We walked around Riverwoods together, played at Blickenstaff's, and got ice-cream at Ikes.

I started Meredith's solo with her tonight and saw Steph while I was at it. It always feels so nice to dance... usually leaves me feeling happy and full. I'm at home now with my mom watching t.v. Ellie woke up once to nurse and I gave her a kiss from you like you told me to. We're missing you honey, and love you like crazy. We'll talk to you soon. Sleep well.

xoxo- Elle

Letter to BJ #2

2011-12-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Beej-

I got some pictures early this morning of Ellie in the bathtub. She was a riot in that big tub. She's used to being crammed into a tiny kitchen sink you know. She was loving all the space and the fact that she could kick and splash and not hit her head like she does in the confines of the sink. She also discovered a new trick while in the bath this morning and I couldn't stop it because it made me laugh so hard every time. She'd turn her head to the side with her mouth open and let the water gently pour into her mouth.

I yelled at Donny to come watch her for a second so I could go grab my camera. I got some pretty great shots.

Other than that, nothing very noteworthy happened today. I had a dreamy nap with Ellie, a short walk until it started raining, and a trip to the mall to return some items- all to find out I had left all those items at home. I bought Ellie a onesie today with ballerinas all over it. I think it suits her well.

Enjoy your Friday honey. Work on your class.

I love you.

Cheers 2011

2011-12-28T21:43:00.001-07:00

(I saw this idea on a friend's blog. Loved it. Thanks Brittany.)

2011 was a year to remember. Here are the highlights- month by month.

January

January required a lot of gumption on my part. Going back to school after a long Christmas break was hard, and although I was just beginning to show I thought my baby would never come. January was unusually cold. My baby kept me well insulated.

(Oh my kindergartners... Mondays just aren't the same without you.)

February

February brought fun with friends and family as we watched the Superbowl. I gave BJ a new t.v. for our bedroom on Valentine's day. "The Office" never had such devoted fans. (Hey friends... we miss you!)

March

Can anyone say Jimmer??? We. were. obsessed. Even Ellie was a Jimmer fan. She'd go crazy in my stomach at those games. We loved BYU basketball season 2011. Didn't miss a game.

April

April was the month of nesting. I worked and worked to prepare Ellie's nursery. I had all my baby showers. My belly grew and I counted down the days til May 19th.

May

Ellie Layne Pugmire arrived on her due date at 5:59 p.m. I think I prayed her here. I thought I would die if I had to wait another day to meet her.

June

In June I tried to settle into my role as mother. There were a lot of tears- on my end and Ellie's. But we were infatuated with our teeny little newborn and she was healthy as could be.

July

July brought a lot of firsts for Ellie: first soccer game, first time swimming, first time on an airplane, first time in New York City, first time in Park City, first fourth of July, first fireworks, and first time sleeping through the night.

August

In August we packed our bags (and every possession we own) and moved to California. The move was bittersweet, but we were excited for our new adventure in the golden state.

September

September brought a lot of changes and adjustment- BJ getting used to working full time, and me getting used to being a mom all by myself- all day every day. The adjustments from September continue to carry on... we'll see when this new life begins to feel normal. A trip home to Utah seemed to soften the blow.

October

Ellie cracked us up at Halloween dressed as a strawberry. She teethed like it was her job, and we were given some responsibilities in our ward.

November

In November, BJ and I celebrated our third anniversary and spent our Thanksgiving holiday in Utah. BJ and Ellie bonded like never before. We worked tirelessly to make Ellie giggle.

December

We celebrated our first Christmas as a family and loved it.

Letter to BJ #1

2011-12-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

Dear BJ,

Since you're so disappointed about the fact that we won't be with you for ten days I decided to give you a little surprise- 10 letters to you. You've never been much good about talking on the phone when we're apart, so maybe this'll help you feel a little less left out.

Today was a pretty terrific day. Although, I don't want to gloat too much and make you feel bad about holding a stop sign all day long. You know that me, Em, mom, Ellie, and Tate went on a walk this morning. We were all bundled and walked long enough to see some really pretty houses. We hung out for a while and then went to see the movie, We Bought A Zoo. This is what I really wanted to tell you about. I wasn't expecting to, but I cried through the whole thing. I thought of you the entire time, about our relationship, and about your complete infatuation with Ellie. I really want you to see that movie. Matt Damon obviously is incredible, the story is sweet and true, the music is riveting, and the little girl in it will melt your heart. Go see it honey. You'll love it.

I had lunch with four girlfriends after the movie while my mom watched Ellie for me. It was the exact girl time that I've been needing- so nice to see old friends.

I went to dinner with Donny, Em, Tate, Dad, Dustin, and Amber and had chicken wings and ice cream pie. We're now gonna watch Warrior together.

You'd be happy to know that Ellie is sleeping soundly. She did a lot of smiling, giggling, and staring curiously today as she always does. She is such a doll. I'm still trying to get a hang of my new camera... not sure if these pictures look much different than the old ones I used to take. I've got a lot to learn.

I hope work was good. I hope you didn't starve. I know Ellie and I both wish you were here. I love you honey. You can expect letter #2 sometime tomorrow.

xoxo- Elle

Lately I'm Loving...

2011-12-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

-Ellie's two front bottom teeth. They show when she cries and pulls her strained faces. Pretty adorable.

-Christmas break. I love having BJ around with me all day.

-This stage Ellie's in. When she was a newborn I didn't want her to grow at all, but I'm finding that as she gets older her personality blossoms. I love her talking and giggles, seeing her sit up and eat real food.

-Time with family. The Pugmire and Baum families have got to be some of the best around.

-Movies. Finally some good movies in the theater. I saw War Horse today and loved it.

-Setting goals and writing in my journal.

-Homemade granola and lots of home-cooked meals.

-Utilizing my Christmas gifts. Learning how to use a fancy camera.

-Being a mom. I feel like I went through a rough patch for a while and had a hard time enjoying mothering, but now I'm on the other side of the slump. I love nuturing- holding, kissing, rocking, and consoling my baby. I love being a mom.

Twinkle Twinkle

2011-12-25T23:38:00.002-07:00

We went to Temple Square to see the lights on Christmas Eve-Eve and had never seen it so busy. I guess everyone had the same idea to go there that we did. The lights were lovely. It was cold. Our trip was short. That is a long standing tradition however that seems to complete the Christmas season.

Have I ever mentioned that I love Utah?

On Our Seventh Date of Christmas...

2011-12-25T23:13:00.002-07:00

J-Dawgs!!!

On Our Sixth Date of Christmas

2011-12-25T23:10:00.001-07:00

We went to the mall and picked two names from the angel tree.

2011-12-25T15:29:00.001-07:00

Merry Christmas Eve From Park City, Utah

2011-12-24T21:05:00.001-07:00

Hope you're having a wonderful time. It just feels right to have chilly weather for Christmas. We're happy to be in Utah. Merry Christmas Eve!

On Our Fifth Date of Christmas

2011-12-20T00:27:00.001-07:00

We watched Jimmer play in his first NBA game. We love Jimmer.

I guess if I counted watching t.v. in bed with BJ as a date then BJ and I have a date every single night. Although... watching Jimmer on t.v. in bed at night doesn't happen every day, so I think it qualifies as a special occasion.

On Our Fourth Date of Christmas

2011-12-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

We left Ellie at home in Sweetheart's (BJ's mom) care and went to the 10:20 p.m. showing of the Sherlock Holmes sequel. It was awesome, and I stayed awake for every second.

My Gift to You

2011-12-17T17:18:00.001-07:00

I literally love every single thing about this video. Watch it. It will warm your heart.

Can I Brag for a Minute? I Have to Brag...

2011-12-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

Did you get a Christmas card from the Romney family this year? Beejer and Me I did...

I can't quit looking at it. How cute are those kids? The little boy waving? Ladykiller. What would it be like to be a Romney? What if Mitt Romney was the President of the United States? I can't stop thinking about this...

Good looking family huh? The envelope was addressed to mine truly. I guess that's what happens when your husband lives and breathes politics. I am still baffled by this card. I feel like I have the inside scoop on the governor.

Are you ready for the primaries? Are you on the Newt bandwagon? Pulling for Ron Paul? Are you a true Obama supporter? How about Rick Santorum?

You can probably guess who I'm rooting for. If not- just take a peek at the back of my big black car.

Mitt '12, baby.

Just exercising my freedom of speech here. Thanks for letting me rant.

On Our Third Date of Christmas...

2011-12-16T21:42:00.003-07:00

Does it count as a date if your mother-in-law is there? I think so!!!

On our third date of Christmas we ate fish tacos at Wahoo's. (Well I did anyway.)

Don't let my husband creep you out. He's nice... I swear.

Nothing says Christmas like eating fish tacos at a surf shop in sunny (and windy!!! -darn those Santa Ana's-) California. Ho ho ho!

On Our Second Date of Christmas...

2011-12-15T22:18:00.002-07:00

we did some Christmas shopping and ate at Nordstrom Cafe.

Ellie shared my tomato basil soup with me and loved it. I guess she's a true Pugmire now!

We're a bit behind on our twelve dates of Christmas, but it's kinda hard to get out together when Ellie goes to bed at 6:30, and we're typically in bed by 9:00.

Pardon Ellie's unhappy face- I was the one with the tomato soup and she knew it.

Get to Know Me- Holiday Style

2011-12-14T23:32:00.002-07:00

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?

Neither, but if I had to choose I'd say hot chocolate. But even a few sips of it gives me a tummy ache and a headache from all the sweetness, and I hate the after-taste it leaves in my mouth. I sometimes wonder if people truly like hot chocolate or if they just like the romantic idea of sipping a cup of cocoa. I'd prefer hot chocolate mainly as a vehicle to get whipped cream or mini marshmallows into my mouth.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Unwrapped- but not under the tree. Designated areas such as couches, fireplace mantles, chairs, and ottomans are used.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White on tree. Always.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No. I love mistletoe though. So adorable.

5. When do you put your decorations up? I like it right around Thanksgiving- before or after- but preferably within the week of Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? My mom's grapefruit slush she used to make on Christmas day. (It's a great concoction of fresh fruit frozen together and then mixed with Fresca when its time to serve it.)

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Christmas Eve movies. I still remember so well seeing "Mrs. Doubtfire," "You've Got Mail," and "Ocean's Eleven" for the first time on Christmas Eve.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Doubt began to creep into my mind in second grade when Nick Eyre shouted out he wasn't real during my show and tell when I brought a business card of Santa Clause's to show my class.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Pajamas. Always. My children will do the same.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Fancy. As much as I love the idea of sentimentality, in reality I prefer my Christmas tree to look perfect.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? I love snow. Snow is a must for Christmas. But I love that this year I'll have snow for Christmas, and 70 degree weather in January upon my return from Utah.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes, but not well. And it's not that fun.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Santa always got us our individual gifts, and my parents always gave us family gifts. We got motorcycles one year, a boat another, those gifts were always soooo exciting.

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you? Besides my family.... music for sure. Christmas music makes Christmas.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Fudge, because I only eat it at Christmas time.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Christmas Eve in general. I actually enjoy Christmas Eve much more than Christmas day. I love being with my family, full of excitement and enjoyment.

17. What tops your tree? Sparkly branches and sprigs of more sparkly things.

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? Nothing beats the anticipation of giving a gift you'll know someone will love. I will expound on this at a later date. But I also know one gift I'm getting this year that I'm ecstatic about. Again, I will expound on this later.

19. Candy canes: yuck or yum? Yuck. They're sure cute though. I like other candies with candy canes in them though. Like... peppermint bark. Mmm!

20. Favorite Christmas show? If you read my blog 20% of the time you probably know this answer. "The Family Stone" is my favorite movie and favorite Christmas movie. Oh, I love it.

21. Saddest Christmas song? "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"- which is also my favorite Christmas song. But I don't like upbeat versions. I prefer it to be heart wrenching like Judy Garland's rendition.

22. What is your favorite Christmas song? See previous question. I also LOVE "The Nativity Song" from the LDS Children's Songbook because I heard my great-grandma, my grandma, and my sweet aunt Jenae sing it year after year while we acted out the nativity.

23. Do you use an Advent calendar? No. But my children will.

24. Do you go to church on Christmas? If it's Sunday I do.

25. What were your Christmas morning rules as a kid? We had to stay together in our rooms until our parents came and got us (usually around 6 or 7.) We could not peek outside into the family room, and we had to line up youngest to oldest before we descended the stairs. After a proper amount of time rejoicing over our Santa gifts, we opened the presents under the tree from youngest to oldest. I can't wait to build all these traditions with my own family.

I Don't Know How It's Possible...

2011-12-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

but she keeps getting cuter.

Fun with Lights

2011-12-12T20:25:00.001-07:00

This idea was not mine originally, but I just thought it was so cute.

....................................................

1. Just hangin' out.

2. What are these?

3. Ooooh...

4. Gimme those lights...

5. Ahhhh...!!! (Giggle, giggle, giggle.)

6. Get over here...

7. Yay!!! (Squeal!)

Christmas Thoughts

2011-12-11T22:57:00.001-07:00

I remember sitting in Sunday school around Christmas time last year and studying in depth the Christmas story. We assessed Mary and her faith in listening to the angel Gabriel. We analyzed Joseph and his humility in the midst of a difficult circumstance. I was pregnant at the time and Mary's role in the Christmas story overwhelmed me. I had a new level of understanding and insight into the story I had grown up my whole life learning about. I felt humbled in carrying a baby and in the miracle it was was for a tender, pure girl to carry and deliver the savior of mankind.

This year, as I sat at the ward Christmas party last night singing Christmas carols and reciting scripture I again was overwhelmed at the new connection I had- now that I am the mother of my own child. I couldn't hold back the tears as we sang this song...

"Stars were gleaming, shepherds dreaming
And the night was dark and chill.
Angels' story, manger glory,
Shepherds heard it on the hill.
Ah, that singing! Hear it ringing,
Earthward winging, Christmas bringing.
Hearken! We can hear it still!
Hearken! We can hear it still!"

I am so grateful to be a mother.

This Picture Deserves Its Own Post Entirely

2011-12-11T00:38:00.001-07:00

Christmas Cheer

2011-12-10T23:57:00.001-07:00

I didn't ask my mother-in-law for permission... but her mantle is beautiful and so is her tree. I have been wanting a little Christmas cheer to post on this blog, so here it is... the decorations we enjoy seeing each day that we didn't have to pay for. :) Thank heaven.

I'm grateful for two mothers who take so much care to make their homes beautiful. I loved growing up and awaiting the decorations of each season my mom would meticulously display. When BJ and I were dating he told me that he loved how his mom did that too. It wouldn't feel like Christmas without a tree and decorations to enjoy. Thanks mom and JaLayne for always providing that. And thanks Beej for letting me spend way too much from our humble newlywed budget to buy our little family a tree two years ago.

One Dull Post

2011-12-10T23:11:00.001-07:00

My desire to blog lately has been non-existent. I've been busy making Christmas arrangements, tracking down, devising, making and buying Christmas gifts, doing yoga and pilates each day, and taking care of my baby girl and husband. My words are un-inspired and un-inspiring, but nonetheless...

I'm still snapping photos of my little darling... (which won't be crummy quality photographs for too much longer- Santa, I promise I've been good! Wink, wink.)

I'm sure you've noticed that Ellie could use a little work learning how to close her mouth. I don't know what that's all about, but seriously, her mouth is never closed. It's adorable and endearing now because she looks like a little baby bird waiting for her food, but when she's 18 years old sitting in math 101... not. so. much. We'll have to work on that. At least we've got a little time before she's 18.

I'm currently in love with the baby bullet my mother-in-law bought me. Ellie is currently in love with homemade applesauce, and cooked carrots mashed up and mixed with (breast)milk.

I've been frustrated a little and cried a couple times this week. My romantic fantasies of motherhood being perfect have been shattered... but then I force myself to remember:

nothing is perfect here.

In fact... all the very best things require work and sacrifice and even some occasional (or frequent) tears. It's all part of the game. And even though that sounds dramatic, please know that I love being a mother, even if it makes me cry sometimes.

... and that is the sum of my un-inspired words. Merry Christmas!

GIrlfriends

2011-12-06T22:24:00.001-07:00

Today I called up a girlfriend while I was out running errands and ended up talking to her for over an hour while I bounced a baby on my hip and stood outside of my parked car in front of the public library. We talked about everything; all the things that consume our thoughts, time, and dreams. We spoke about relationships and motherhood, body image and fitness, dance, work, husbands, friendships, family members, desires, goals and inside jokes. We laughed and confided, recounted, and updated. We tried to wrap up the conversation unsuccessfully multiple times. There was simply too much to share.

It wasn't the phone call in and of itself that brightened my day. No. It was the friend on the other line whom I admire and adore- a girl that I connect so deeply with that encouraged me and complimented me, listened to me, agreed with me, shared with me and understood me that left me feeling like ten times the woman I had thought I was just moments before that phone call. There is something magical about a conversation with a girlfriend. A good friend heals your searching soul.

I love you dear friend. (You know who you are.)

When I returned home (after I finally put down the cell phone and completed my errands) I sat Ellie on the counter and we shared a snack together- her: organic baby puffs and me: salted peanuts. For the first time as a mom I saw Ellie as something more than my little baby girl. She was my friend. I wonder how many snacks we'll share or how many times she'll sit on the counter and tell me about her day. I wonder when she'll confide in me about a crush she has, or a kiss she received. I hope she will turn to me and feel as comfortable with me as I feel with my mom. I hope she will not only call me her mother, but that I will be her friend. Because there is nothing quite like a true friend.

On Our FIrst Date of Christmas

2011-12-05T14:47:00.001-07:00

I got this idea from a blog I like. She got the idea from a friend she likes.

I like Christmas. I like my husband. And I like dates with my husband. The math for this one was simple. So... for our first date of Christmas we hired a real, live babysitter and went with the family to hear the Orange County Mormon Choral. It was incredible. The live orchestra was breathtaking and music made me cry several times. It was strange sitting in the audience of a performance and not being on stage myself. I miss dancing sometimes. But that is beside the point. One date down... eleven more to go!

Ellie Plays

2011-12-05T00:19:00.001-07:00

I Did It!

2011-12-02T15:07:00.001-07:00

On my second attempt I found success. I made a checkbook cover thank you very much.

Many thanks to Ellie for taking her naps today and making this all possible.

(And Liz... yes, I do still use a checkbook.)

Hooray!

Our Christmas Gift Came Early This Year...

2011-12-02T07:55:00.001-07:00

and it's our favorite gift yet.

Hot and Cold

2011-12-01T18:27:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I enjoy my daughter best when she's sleeping.

I texted BJ early this morning, "baby for sale."The little one was driving me bezerk.

She hasn't slept well in over a week and when she smiled at me from her crib at 6:45 this morning I did not smile back. But when she's asleep and cuddling into her bunny, when I get to browse through photos of her that I snapped that day, and when I finally get to step back and think about this whole mothering business... then I am ready to smile back at her.

I love this little girl even though she makes me crazy.

Isn't she beautiful?

High Hopes

2011-11-30T16:02:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I lie awake in bed at night, my ahead abuzz with brilliant thoughts and endless dreams. There are so many things that interest me and call for my attention every day- things that require time to practice and master. There are hobbies I want to persue, trades I want to learn, and books I want to read. I think about learning to bake bread and made-from-scratch cakes, about long lists of books I'd like to read, about pilates and yoga and dance and how I wish I could practice all of them consistently in their respective settings rather than at the foot of my bed with the door closed. There are things I want to sew, places I'd like to visit, parties I'd love to host, and creative ideas for decorating and organizing that seem really fun to attempt. The problem is, most days the only time I'm able to dedicate to these hopes and dreams is the 30 minutes it takes me lying in bed to fall asleep. Mothering is a full time job- even when you only have one baby to take care of.
I've found myself wondering lately how a mom finds any time for herself. My pilates dreams are shattered when I realize that I'd need to get a babysitter every single day just to take a simple one hour class at a studio nearby. My visions of fresh-baked bread wafting through my kitchen each afternoon are dashed because I'm lucky if I even get a legitimate dinner on the table. And my ambition to sew diminishes instantaneously when I wander around Joann's for an hour and a half looking for a silly point turner with a crying baby on my hip, yellow poop on my blouse, and extremely unhelpful employees. (This has happened twice now.)
BJ gave me a sewing machine for my birthday in August, and I opened the box for the first time yesterday. I have a couple projects in mind. We'll see if they ever get finished... or started for that matter.

My first project seems fairly simple: a checkbook cover.

Someday my projects may be a little more elaborate. (Probably when I'm 75 and all my kids are out on their own.)

If you know how to be a full time stay-at-home AND develop your talents... please leave me a helpful hint below... I could really use your advice.

2011-11-28T22:48:00.001-07:00

On a Sunday Morning

2011-11-27T16:38:00.001-07:00

A Smorgasbord of Thanksgiving Pictures

2011-11-26T19:36:00.001-07:00

When we have Thanksgiving with my family a holiday tradition always takes place. My dad heads up some sort of activity to get the men and kids out of the house on Thanksgiving morning while the women cook. Even though we had a strange assortment of family at home this year the tradition lived on. Last year was bowling, years past have offered turkey bowls, ultimate frisbee games, and even skeet shooting. This year was a little more low key. BJ and my dad had planned on taking the babies up the canyon to feed the ducks but neither of them were feeling very good- especially my nephew Tate. They went on a walk around the neighborhoods and by the time they got back this is what we saw...

Thanksgiving dinner was lovely. I love cooking with my mom and sisters. It's so hard to pick a favorite item from the menu, but I think this year it was the turkey itself... cranberries an essential partner.

When we're living our regular, non-vacation life in California BJ leaves to work around 6 a.m.- before Ellie's awake. He gets home from work each night around 5 or 5:30 and Ellie goes to bed a little after 6, so he really only gets to see her for about an hour each day. This just so happens to be the time that Ellie is especially mama-clingly and usually doesn't want much to do with Beej. He hates it. He feels like he never sees her. It goes without saying that he has loved this week of free time... getting re-acquainted with his favorite little babe. She has giggled, smiled, snuggled, and loved her time with her dad. They're both pretty adorable- alone or together. She is basically his mini-me. Don't you think?

We've loved having my nephew Tate here (and of course my sister-in-law Emily... miss you Don.) The poor little guy has been bumped and bruised by fall after fall, and then got really sick on top of it all. He's still adorable in spite of his poor condition, and an absolute joy to have around. He and Ellie are little playmates. We've read the book he's holding to them about a billion times this week. I think I have it memorized by now.

And what would a trip to Utah be without a visit to Sundance? I think that would be near to blaspheme. I love me some Sundance.

What Makes Us... Us

2011-11-25T15:25:00.001-07:00

I think every married couple could conjure up a list of quirks and traits that make them as a couple unique. Here are a few I came up with...

1st- I don't like BJ in the kitchen. I don't want him helping me in the kitchen because I feel very territorial there. This just so happens to be the ideal fit for BJ because he'd rather drop dead than have to prepare something to eat himself. I cook, and BJ eats. I literally think BJ would starve to death if I died. Unless, of course, his mother or sisters, or (heaven forbid ;) ) another wife were there to take care of him.

2nd- BJ and I slept together on the couch for the first two years of our marriage. BJ couldn't fall asleep without watching t.v. and I hated to going to bed without him. Inevitably, we'd fall asleep mid-movie and end up staying there the rest of the night.

3rd- We don't exercise together. That is something we do individually seeing as I like to walk and do yoga and BJ prefers to play a sport competitively as his form of exercise.

4th- We watch Bill O Reilly nearly every night together.

5th- We never share food at a restaurant because BJ claims that whatever I choose is the last thing on the menu he would ever want. I always think I don't want what he's ordering until his food actually comes... then it tastes pretty good.

6th- He likes the sheets tight around his feet and doesn't care if his torso is covered. I want the sheets lightly covering my feet but completely bundled up by my chin. Our bed looks like a tornado hit come morning.

7th- Neither of us care much about traveling. We don't have a great desire to visit foreign countries or tour famous cities. Our idea of a great vacation is sleeping in, eating well, exercising (him with golf... can you call that exercise? and me with some pilates), seeing some good movies, and laying by a pool, ocean, or lake.

8th- We are boring. Really, really, boring. But we're happy with our simple routines.

9th- We don't hang out a lot with friends. We spend most of our time with family.

10th- We like to go on drives to look at houses and dream about and plan for our home in the future.

11th- We like babies.

12th- BJ is the worry worm. I calm, and reassure often.

13th- BJ is goofy and a better dancer than I am. I just wish the world could see his moves.

14th- BJ hates spending money, and I am quickly becoming more and more frugal.

15th- We understand each other quite well. We can almost always guess how the other one would react to any given situation.

That is all.

Our Las Vegas Adventure

2011-11-24T10:15:00.001-07:00

BJ and I had our first intentional night away from Ellie this past Sunday. She had stayed with Sweetheart (BJ's mom's alternative grandma title) once before, but that was really on accident. I was recovering from an emergency surgery and we were lucky Sweetheart was in town. But this time... we meant to leave Ellie in Sweetheart's hands.

As I mentioned earlier, this Friday is mine and BJ's third wedding anniversary. We were heading up to Utah for Thanksgiving and it just so happened that a dear family friend offered their time share in Vegas for a midway resting point for us. Once BJ's mom heard that news she offered to watch Ellie so we could enjoy Las Vegas baby-free. So on Sunday afternoon, right after church we packed up the car and said goodbye to our baby girl. As we drove we listened to "The Lost Symbol" on c.d., and that was awesome in and of itself. We arrived in sin city a little after seven and were welcomed by some tough guy shouting profanities out of his car window at a fellow California driver. BJ insisted, "don't look at him Elle." When I asked why he replied, "cause I don't want to give him any reason to shoot us." Ha. Welcome to Vegas.

We ate dinner at an overpriced Italian restaurant and then BJ treated me to a Cirque Du Soleil show that blew both of our minds. We had been practically falling asleep at dinner we were so tired and thought we'd be doomed by the 9:30 showtime, but our attention was captured immediately, and we were enthralled with the performance until the final bow.

Le Reve was in a theater within the Wynn hotel. It was colorful- just like the Las Vegas folk.

The show was spectacular, awe-inspiring, brilliant. See it if you can. I found myself wondering how on earth there were enough people with he-man strength and guts to cast this show. Where do people like that come from? X-men I tell you.

Our hotel was equally colorful, and the employees there... even more so. Beej was totally freaked out by the guy who checked us in at the registration desk, and my tired headache was not aided by the blaring music in the lobby that chanted over and over again... "get your f***in' hands up." However, we were not dissuaded yet. The piano in the lobby was fabulous, and the bed in our room satisfied our every need. We crashed the minute we entered our room and slept til nine the next morning. We are two people who need our sleep.

We continued driving Monday morning... listening to "The Lost Symbol" all the way. Well... almost.

We got a little loopy towards the end.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving meal. My lack of blogging last week has me feeling recharged... plenty more posts to come.

Stream of Consciousness

2011-11-23T12:59:00.001-07:00

I'm in Utah for Thanksgiving visiting my parents and the place that still feels like home.

I took a walk this morning and this time I wasn't accompanied by a large stroller and a sixth month old baby girl. Today I walked while Ellie napped at grandma's and BJ waited outside her room switching the t.v. back and forth between football games, soccer broadcasts, and his new favorite comedy, "The Big Bang Theory." I reveled in the silence, the stretching of my legs, the crisp fall air, and the leaves that piled in every house's front yard. My heart felt at home. I feel confident here in Utah. I feel important. Known.

I walked the sacred hill by my parent's house that I paced back and forth, back and forth the night before Ellie was born. I plead with the Lord on that hill- begging him to send Ellie to me that night. I wanted to meet her. I was ready to be a mother for real. I wanted to hold my baby in my arms- not just in my belly. The Lord heard me that night and my labor began just like I had asked for. Every time I walk that hill now I am humbled and grateful. That will forever be a special place to me; the last place I was alone before my little one came to me.

I was alone this morning again- something that doesn't happen often anymore as the mother of an infant. My head was swimming in thoughts and ideas, wonders and wishes. I thought about the year of August 2010- August 2011. I thought of that year, how it was my favorite of all. It was full of purpose and direction. I was becoming a mother. BJ would soon graduate. It seemed to me that life would then begin. I had so much to look forward to. I contrast those feelings now to the phrase I've repeated lately to BJ that "there doesn't seem to be much light at the end of the tunnel." We don't know what we're doing. BJ's working hard at a job that he doesn't enjoy, but is unsure of other possibilities.We're living with BJ's parents and are completely overwhelmed and intimidated by the idea of getting out on our own eventually. Some days I can't imagine having another child- taking care of one already has me feeling inadequate at times. Life is weird like this. The ebb and flow of good and difficult times is unending.

Right now our patience is being tested. Right now our trust in God and His promise to provide is what we're relying on. Right now we're taking one day at a time- sometimes enjoying it, sometimes not. But we have a baby that we love. We have a place to live. We have food to eat. We are surrounded by family that support, love, and sustain us. We friends that care about us and make us laugh. And most of all, as cliche as it might sound, we have each other. And man oh man, how much better it is to go through a challenging time with your helpmeet at your side.

This Thanksgiving is all we could hope for. Time for a break. Time for a place where we started our life together. Time for rest. Time for each other. And inevitably, time for lots and lots of food.

Oh... and it's our 3-year wedding anniversary on Friday. Hooray!

A Salad You Should Try

2011-11-16T22:33:00.001-07:00

This salad is good. You should make it. My sister-in-law Courtney taught this one to me and now it's something I frequently crave. If the idea of craving a salad excites you then go ahead and...

cook some bowtie pasta- al dente please

get some spinach and put it in a bowl

slice up some cabbage and add to spinach

fry up some turkey bacon (I actually baked mine. It's less messy this way.) dab the grease away and let it cool. cut it with scissors into the salad

open a bag of craisins and pour to your desired sweetness/chewiness/redness

top lightly with Brianna's poppyseed dressing

toss all together

(this picture was taken before the bacon was added, the dressing was poured, and the salad was tossed- but it just so happened to photograph a heck of a lot better than the end result)

Such a simple salad with such spectacular results. Almonds and/or pomegranate seeds are a welcome addition, but it is great as is- so you can pick your poison.

Enjoy!

10 Reasons I am Already Excited for Christmas

2011-11-15T19:30:00.001-07:00

1. Looking at holiday magazines and catalogs. I love Martha Stewart, Real Simple, Better Homes and Gardens, J Crew, Land of Nod, Pottery Barn Kids, and everything else that circulates through the mail of this house- all full of Christmas goodies.

2. Peppermint ice cream. I don't believe I need to explain myself.

3. Christmas movies. My very favorite of all is The Family Stone. I love the setting in Bedford, Conneticut, the beautiful white house they live in, the diverse and remarkable cast of characters, the plethora of awkward moments, the music, and the dynamics of the Stone family in their interactions with each other. I can't get enough of this movie. Oh- and my favorite actress, Rachel McAdams, is brilliant in this- an absolute brat actually. But she plays it so well, and she is ravishing in spite of her frumpy costuming.

4. Time with family.

5. A visit to Utah.

6. Having our baby girl here with us to celebrate. Last Christmas I was opening gifts of receiving blankets and nightgowns, children's storybooks, and lacey-edged socks. I thought Ellie would never come. Now she's here with us. It's too good to be true.

6. Christmas lists. I think every day of how I can stretch my dollars to buy Ellie some lovely gifts. Wooden toys, hand-sewn quilts, brand new headbands, and a back up stuffed bunny are definites. BJ wants a new watch, and I'm praying for some pretty new clothes.

7. Baked goods. I made homemade oreos this morning at 8 a.m. I'm starting early this year. Anything with frosting is something I wish I ate more of. Like... I wish I could eat frosted cake, cookies, and brownies exclusively. But then I guess I would miss out on things like donuts and ice cream. I take back what I said.

8. Holiday food. Yes, this is different than the baked goods answer. Because really, I think I'd die if I couldn't eat homemade soups and rolls, warm oatmeal in the morning, turkey and stuffing at night, and in season apples and oranges. Healthy food may actually have some relevancy after all. ; )

9. Prettiness all around. Christmas time may be the most beautiful time of year. That's a bold statement... but I'm sticking to my guns.

10. Christmas music. Namely: Sarah McLachlan Wintersong. (I love you Becca.)

...........................

What are you excited for?

a little poem

2011-11-14T23:22:00.001-07:00

morning comes with squawks and tears

soon a happy face appears

hungry girl joins me in bed

her giggling- music to my ears

morning science, breakfast time

life sure changes on a dime

all my day is now for her

diapers, feedings, life's a blur

messy faces, poopy pants

crying, wailing, angry chants

Ellie smiles- my heart melts

this gal's got me in a trance

dinner, fox news, lots of stress

pretty soon- house all a mess

time to hold her- settle down

family sitting all around

bath time, bed time, one last feed

what else does this baby need

teeth brushed, face washed, BJ's here

all I need is resting near

Quick Tips and Tricks that make Life in the Kitchen a Little More Enjoyable

2011-11-13T01:50:00.001-07:00

Ok, so maybe I don't live in my kitchen. But I do spend a lot of time there. I'm predicting too that in the distant future when Pugmire children #2-17 join our family- my time in the kitchen will only increase. I mean, it's been said before that the average American woman spends 19 days a year in her kitchen. With that in mind, I've compiled a list of tips and tricks I use every day to make my life in the kitchen a little more manageable. And heck, I'd even say enjoyable.

2. Use products you enjoy using. Get a cute pair of kichen gloves (i.e.: gloveables.) Find and wear an apron you love. Explore different dishsoaps. I personally do not like yellow Joy or blue Dawn because they dry out my hands, are really slimey, and quite frankly don't smell very good. I love Mrs. Meyer's clean day products, especially their dishsoaps. (The lavender and basil scents are my favorite, although eyer lemon smells very clean and fresh.) It looks cute next to your sink and I find it quite delightful to use. My mom thought I bought it at Anthropologie. I told her I was not cool or wealthy enough to buy my dishsoap at Anthropologie. I just buy it at the grocery store... yet not all grocers carry it. Target sales really cute scrub brushes and sponges that also just make cleaning dishes and your kitchen sink a little more pleasant. Following this advice may just make you feel like the quintessential 50's housewife.

3. If you like to cook, invest in a nice set of knives. I literally only have 4 knives to use but since they're high quality it's all I need. Keep them sharpened and make sure you don't wash them in the dishwasher. Take good care of them, and they'll take good care of you.

4. Listen to music while you work. Preferably Justin Bieber. I think I've said enough.

6. Put something pretty to look at in your windowsill- especially if you don't have a nice view out your kitchen sink window.

7. Collect cookbooks that inspire you to cook and look through them often to refresh your desire to try new things. Display the pretty ones.

8. Adorable hand towels are the perfect kitchen accessory. Buy one and leave it hanging by your oven. You never even have to use it... but it'll sure look cute.

9. Think about the colors of the meal you are preparing. Not only is a colorful meal healthier for you, it appeals to the senses and leaves you more satisfied.

10. Decorate your kitchen. In our apartment the kitchen was the room I originally neglected. I didn't think it mattered if the kitchen was decorated or not. By the time we were getting ready to leave, I thought the kitchen was the cutest room in the house. It made me happy to be in there, and motivated me to cook more often. The great thing too about decorating the kitchen is that you only need a few small items to do so.

11. Collect glass: display it, and serve on it. I love to go to thrift stores and find old vases, jars, candleholders, bowls, plates, cups, and goblets. Nearly every glass item in my kitchen was thrifted. Glass looks pretty when light hits it- it doesn't matter if it's expensive or cheap, new or old.

12. Keep fruit in pretty containers on your counter. It's easy to grab and sometimes flavors can be damaged by refrigeration. Did you know tomatoes should always be kept at room temperature? Refrigerating tomatoes ruins their texture (makes them tougher) and inhibits their natural sweetness.

13. Cook with family and friends. Few things are more fun than this.

14. Cook things you love to eat. This is what makes cooking fun. Be wise here however... baking chocolate chip cookies and brownies every single day is not advisable. Unless, of course, you're not like me and you can actually restrain yourself from consuming 6 servings of cookie dough in addition to your 5 cookies.

15. Cook things whoever you're cooking for loves. Seeing someone really enjoying your food is satisfying and rewarding.

15. Go out to eat every once and a while. Not only will you appreciate not having to cook... you will appreciate home cooked food a lot more. Nothing beats it!

16. Keep a plant in your kitchen. I don't know why I love this so much. Maybe because nurturing a plant's life while you prepare meals for those you love seems like the pinnacle of domesticity.

17. Do it your way. The kitchen is the heart of the home- so make it yours.

18. Sit down for meals with your family. Is anything better than this? Dessert maybe...

19. Shop at grocery stores you love. If you live in Utah- shop at Harmon's. You must. While you're there- sample and buy the French Country bread from the bakery. And try the flavored olive oils if you would. Don't forget the cheese samples... and the gigantic organic section. Ugh... I hate you right now.

20. Organize your fridge and cupboards meticulously. Make them look magazine worthy. You won't regret it.

21. Enjoy. I hope this post has inspired you to spend a little more time in your kitchen. I think your family'll thank you for it.

Sometimes

2011-11-12T22:51:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you just need a good cry. Today was one of those days.

Sometimes a bad day turns good- as was the case today, and sometimes a good day turns bad- as the case was yesterday.

Sometimes I eat dessert after breakfast. Sometimes red velvet cake is necessary after my bowl of cereal (today.)

Sometimes I tell BJ nothing's wrong even when something is. He always knows better though, and in his own words responds, "does life suck right now for you too?"

Sometimes pastors insult my husband and his religion inside Anthropologie and I have to pull my husband away with a courteous, "We don't think you're going to hell- we just think that after you die you'll realize we were right."

Sometimes this little one tests my patience.

Sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes it gets cold in California... sometimes.

Sometimes I watch episode after episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and want to eat the world and meet Guy Fiedi.

Sometimes I lie next to my baby while she naps and I think I'm in heaven.

Sometimes it's weird kissing BJ after I've spent all day kissing Ellie. Two very different things I tell you.

Sometimes my happiness is dependent on eating. This happens more often than it should.

Sometimes eating peppermint and chocolate frozen yogurt with peppermint bark topping feels like the best thing that's ever happened too me.

Sometimes I fantasize about food. I would say always- but every once in a while another thought gets in the way.

Sometimes I drool when I look at the previous picture. (What am I gonna do to get my hands on another one of those?)

Sometimes I loathe everything about football season. I am so over football playing on the t.v.

Sometimes I get to buy something pretty to wear. Today was one of those days.

Sometimes I miss my siblings so much it makes me sick.

Sometimes I get mad... usually when we talk about polygamy.

Sometimes the goodness of God is so palpable I get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

Sometimes I like going to bed early and sometimes I like to stay up late.

Sometimes I'm not in the mood to exercise.

Sometimes I miss Ellie when she's asleep in the other room.

Sometimes I wish I lived 200 years ago.

Sometimes I wish I was a 50's housewife.

Sometimes I get discouraged and regretful. I wish I could change things that can't be changed and improve things that are too late to be improved.

Sometimes I feel perfectly content.

Sometimes my husband and daughter are so delicious to me I have to post all 3 of their pictures.

Sometimes I feel full of love and sometimes I'm flat out mean.

Sometimes all of life's anxieties can be calmed with a hug (today- thanks Beej.)

Sometimes...

Blog Vomit

2011-11-10T21:15:00.001-07:00

This has been a good week- not exceptional. My desire to blog has been slim to none, so my picture taking has been put on the back burner. I haven't been documenting my cooking because there hasn't been much of that. Morning Science has been limited because the gawl-durn wind has been blowing and the chilly morning air combined with said wind gives me an earache. (I'm gonna be like my great grandma Lera who wore a scarf around her head not only in the winter, but on summer evenings as well so as to block any threatening breeze.) Enough explaining... here are some completely unrelated photos- all that my camera has snapped this week. I would say that they're here for your viewing pleasure... but a more proper definition for these ones is probably something like: for your boredom/procrastination/determination to spend time less time doing what it is you actually should be doing.

I babysat my niece Berlynn yesterday for an hour and assisted her and Ellie in jumping/dancing/rolling on the bed to nursery rhymes. Would you judge me if I admitted that this was one of the high points of my week?

I woke up in the six o'clock hour yesterday. I haven't done that since May 13th- the last day I taught school. I actually enjoyed being up that early. The world looks different at that time of day. The enjoyment was short lived however because quickly thereafter my ears began to freeze and I wanted to start a fire in my ear canal. I was amazed though when I was writing in my journal at 10:00 and I had already gone on my walk, done some pilates, eaten breakfast, fed Ellie twice, and gotten ready. What was I supposed to do the rest of day?

It was really chilly the other day. It was pretty chilly today too. Pretty pathetic that what feels "pretty chilly" to me here in California actually turned out to be temperatures in the low 70's. Baah ha ha!

Hey remember my schpeal about "Real Food?" Well today this was my lunch.

I never said I was perfect...

Oh, and remember the little girl that who's been sporting that yellow hat all over the place?

I'm sorry if I've wasted your time with a whole bunch of blog vomit. But if you were in search of a little wasted time... you are welcome!

Fact:

2011-11-09T16:10:00.004-07:00

Triple Stuf Oreos are incredible.

Have you tried one of these yet? I was sceptical that having three cookie parts rather than the standard two would overwhelm the taste and texture of the frosting- which in my opinion would be near to blaspheme- because, in my opinion, frosting is the best part. Frosting is always the best part. I was also worried that the chocolate layer of frosting would make the whole thing taste too... well, chocolatey. Both assumptions were wrong. These may have just trumped double stuf oreos in my opinion. Although, that is a terribly bold statement that I'm not quite sure I'm ready to commit to. Regardless, they are goooo-ooood! Worth your time, money, and caloric investment. Take it from me- a girl that has already blogged about oreos once this month.

It goes without saying however, that triple stuf oreos will always come second to this little cookie in deliciousness...

Are you dying yet? Scrumptious I tell you. I have been spoiled today- feasting on this little darling, and triple stuf oreos. It's been a good day. More to come...

Have I Ever Told You...

2011-11-08T23:21:00.001-07:00

How much I love this little girl?

She always smells like Cheerios- just slightly sweet. This, however, is a mystery to me because she never actually eats Cheerios. She has the girliest giggle and squeal. She has a gigantic smile. He is coordinated and has terrific balance. She is cuddly. She loves to eat and sleep. She looks at me... all. the. time. It drives BJ crazy because every time he's holding her she's cranking her neck toward whatever direction I'm in so she can look at me. She loves me and I am grateful and proud of that. I love her feet. Her toes are a little bit skiwampus and I want to eat them up. Her chubby cheeks probably receive 500 kisses a day because they are totally irresistible. Every feature on her face is feminine. I am in love- completely and totally.

Have I ever told you how much I love this guy?

(This picture was taken moments after Ellie was born.)

BJ is fun. BJ is happy and fun loving. BJ is sensitive and caring. BJ doesn't like contention. He is scrappy in anything athletic he does- he will figure out a way to win. He is talented. Most of the time he is thinking of others and what he can do to serve them. He is kind. BJ is a devoted husband, father, son, and brother. BJ is funny- I didn't realize how funny until I married him. He makes me laugh every day. Today I cried when I went to put something away in his closet and saw that what once was a massive mound of clean clothes, shoes, socks, and sports apparel that always drives me crazy- was now a neat, orderly, organized closet. It's little things like this that BJ does for me... (He didn't clean his closet because he wanted to or cared what it looked like, but because he knew that I did. And I hadn't even asked him to do it!) that mean the world.

Just wanted to give a shout out to my little family. I love them. They are my world. Over and out.

I Don't Feel Good

2011-11-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

I hope you're feeling better than I am.

Guardians of the Hearth

2011-11-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

I've been studying the new book that all the sisters in the church were given...

"Daughters in My Kingdom."

It is inspiring. It is inspired. Many women today are confused about their identity and calling as daughters of God. This book clarifies our role as women today. I love the stories of women a hundred years ago: stories of strength, faith, and charity that this book includes. I am happy to be a woman, and I am honored by all that being a women entails. As I thumbed through the pages of the book when I first brought it home one chapter heading immediately jumped out at me. The title, "Guardians of the Hearth" resonates with my soul. That is what I want to be. And that is exactly what we need more of in the world. Of this, Spencer W. Kimball said,

"To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling... She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home- which is society's basic and most noble institution."

If you don't have this book, get it. If you do have this book, read it. I promise you'll love it. Have a terrific, relaxing, and uplifting Sunday!

Ellie in Overalls

2011-11-05T21:25:00.003-06:00

I'm sorry, but I just don't think it could get any better.

With Love, Ellie Layne

2011-11-04T19:35:00.002-06:00

Hey guys-

Ellie here. In case you were wondering, I no longer fit this snugly in my mom's arms. I don't sleep nearly as much as I used to, and my hands work a lot better now. I'm growin' fast... and freakin my mom out as I do. Anyway- I'm off to hold my bunny and drink a little milk before bed. If you hear some screeching and babbling tonight- it's probably me.

My Day (What a ridiculously boring title. Sorry- I can't think of anything better.)

2011-11-03T21:57:00.001-06:00

I find it strange that some days seem to be naturally better than others- often without any identifiable explanation why. Today was one of those days. From the minute I woke up at 7:45, it felt like a good day. I was happy to be awake. I was anxious to go on my walk. Nothing extraordinary happened today, nor did it need to. The simple things that made up today made me feel grateful and content.

I made the bed, played with Ellie, and ate breakfast. I unloaded the dishwasher and took out the trash. I put away clean clothes and talked to BJ on the phone. Nine o'clock brought morning science (that's what I call my morning walk- find out why here and here.) I stretched and helped Ellie sit and gnaw on her orange peel. (Try this for a teething baby's sore gums. It's my latest saving grace. Ellie LOVES it.)

The most notable thing that took place today was taking lunch to BJ at work. He's working for his dad right now on job sites- holding stop signs, moving sandbags, signaling semis, and sweeping dirty streets. Every night I pack up his lunch pail so he can slip out the door before the sun comes up in his Levis, workboots, and ball cap with lunch in hand. I didn't have a very clear view of what BJ actually did when he went to work until today. All I had known was that every day he came home exceptionally dirty and exhausted. Well now I can see why. Moving dirt is not an easy task.

There he comes! Check out that hunk! The money maker!

We were a welcome relief in his monotonous day.

We ate Chic Fil A (which was soggy and cold by the time I got there. Very disappointing.) And talked for 15 second intervals while BJ flagged and waved the trucks on their way. Ellie watched her dad in admiration...

Then we got in trouble and had to leave because we were distracting the flagger. Woops.

We went to the bank and the grocery store and stopped at the park on the way home. The weather today was perrrrfect. Perfect I tell you.

Oh those chubby feet pokin out of that sundress. Kills me every time.

Pudgy fingers too. Mmmm...!

We came home and Ellie napped. I read and wrote in my journal. Ellie woke up and we waited on the curb for BJ to get home. I made dinner quickly while BJ showered and bathed the babe. Dinner tonight was waffles with raspberries, bananas, coconut, walnuts, maple syrup and whipped cream (not Cool Whip!), and scrambled eggs and bacon. (I was really looking forward to this after my disappointing lunch. Chic Fil A needs to be eaten immediately after purchase. Soggy chicken sandwiches and warm lemonade will never hit the spot.)

BJ then left to a job conference with his brother and I cleaned up the kitchen, bathed Ellie again (don't ask,) lotioned, pajama'd, and nursed the baby, read her some books, rocked her and sang, put her to bed, and packed BJ's lunch for tomorrow.

I guess now looking back, I know exactly why today was a good day. Today was low key. Today I got to do a lot of things I wanted to do. And more than anything, today I was a stay-at-home mom. I spent time with my baby. I spent time with my husband. I spent time outside. I spent time feeding my family. I've wanted this for so long... and today I got it.

10 Suggestions for Mothers as they Guide their Precious Children

2011-11-02T21:38:00.000-06:00

By President Ezra Taft Benson (who is my great grandmother's brother, and a prophet of God)

1. Take time to always be at the crossroads in the lives of your children whether they be 6 or 16.

2. Take time to be a real friend to your children.

3. Take time to read to your children. Remember what the poet wrote:

"You may have tangible wealth untold;

caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be-

I had a mother who read to me."

4. Take time to pray with your children.

5. Take time to have a meaningful Family Home Evening. Make this one of your great family traditions.

6. Take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible.

7. Take time to read the scriptures as a family.

8. Take time to do things together as a family.

9. Take time to teach your children.

10. Take time to truly love your children. A mother's unqualified love approaches Christlike love."

Quick Tips and Tricks that make Life in the Kitchen a Little More Enjoyable

2011-11-01T22:21:00.002-06:00

1. Use a plastic grocery bag while you cook to throw all your peelings, packagings, and garbage away. It keeps scraps and trash altogether in the same place- it won't muck up your sink and garbage disposal- and you don't have to pick up any of that trash with your hands at the end of your preparation. Have your husband take it out for you and then the disintegrating cucumber peels and chicken skins won't smell up your house.
2. Use products you enjoy using. Get a cute pair of kichen gloves (i.e.: gloveables.) Find and wear an apron you love. Explore different dishsoaps. I personally do not like yellow Joy or blue Dawn because they dry out my hands, are really slimey, and quite frankly don't smell very good. I love Mrs. Meyer's clean day products, especially their dishsoaps. (The lavender and basil scents are my favorite, although eyer lemon smells very clean and fresh.) It looks cute next to your sink and I find it quite delightful to use. My mom thought I bought it at Anthropologie. I told her I was not cool or wealthy enough to buy my dishsoap at Anthropologie. I just buy it at the grocery store... yet not all grocers carry it. Target sales really cute scrub brushes and sponges that also just make cleaning dishes and your kitchen sink a little more pleasant. Following this advice may just make you feel like the quintessential 50's housewife.

4. Listen to music while you work. Preferably Justin Bieber. I think I've said enough.

5. Take mental notes of good things you eat in restaurants, or recipe ideas you see in magazines. It's fun to experiment and try to re-create something you had that you loved or something that looked really good. Also recall classic flavor combinations and play on those. I know that apples are good with pork and fruit chutneys are good with fish. Take concepts like this and run with 'em. I made chicken and rice once and added raw pomegranate seeds and cut up apples. The burst of sweet and tart complemented the savory chicken sauce, and the added crunch of the fresh fruit added to the textural element.
6. Put something pretty to look at in your windowsill- especially if you don't have a nice view out your kitchen sink window.
7. Collect cookbooks that inspire you to cook and look through them often to refresh your desire to try new things. Display the pretty ones.

8. Adorable hand towels are the perfect kitchen accessory. Buy one and leave it hanging by your oven. You never even have to use it... but it'll sure look cute.
9. Think about the colors of the meal you are preparing. Not only is a colorful meal healthier for you, it appeals to the senses and leaves you more satisfied.
10. Decorate your kitchen. In our apartment the kitchen was the room I originally neglected. I didn't think it mattered if the kitchen was decorated or not. By the time we were getting ready to leave, I thought the kitchen was the cutest room in the house. It made me happy to be in there, and motivated me to cook more often. The great thing too about decorating the kitchen is that you only need a few small items to do so.
11. Collect glass: display it, and serve on it. I love to go to thrift stores and find old vases, jars, candleholders, bowls, plates, cups, and goblets. Nearly every glass item in my kitchen was thrifted. Glass looks pretty when light hits it- it doesn't matter if it's expensive or cheap, new or old.
12. Keep fruit in pretty containers on your counter. It's easy to grab and sometimes flavors can be damaged by refrigeration. Did you know tomatoes should always be kept at room temperature? Refrigerating tomatoes ruins their texture (makes them tougher) and inhibits their natural sweetness.

13. Cook with family and friends. Few things are more fun than this.
14. Cook things you love to eat. This is what makes cooking fun. Be wise here however... baking chocolate chip cookies and brownies every single day is not advisable. Unless, of course, you're not like me and you can actually restrain yourself from consuming 6 servings of cookie dough in addition to your 5 cookies.
15. Cook things whoever you're cooking for loves. Seeing someone really enjoying your food is satisfying and rewarding.
15. Go out to eat every once and a while. Not only will you appreciate not having to cook... you will appreciate home cooked food a lot more. Nothing beats it!
16. Keep a plant in your kitchen. I don't know why I love this so much. Maybe because nurturing a plant's life while you prepare meals for those you love seems like the pinnacle of domesticity.
17. Do it your way. The kitchen is the heart of the home- so make it yours.
18. Sit down for meals with your family. Is anything better than this? Dessert maybe...
19. Shop at grocery stores you love. If you live in Utah- shop at Harmon's. You must. While you're there- sample and buy the French Country bread from the bakery. And try the flavored olive oils if you would. Don't forget the cheese samples... and the gigantic organic section. Ugh... I hate you right now.
20. Organize your fridge and cupboards meticulously. Make them look magazine worthy. You won't regret it.

21. Enjoy. I hope this post has inspired you to spend a little more time in your kitchen. I think your family'll thank you for it.

You Can Thank Me Later For This One

2011-11-01T22:02:00.000-06:00

When I was really young we used to celebrate Thanksgiving with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins at my grandparent's house. I remember vividly the first year my aunt Jenae brought that famous orange jello of hers. And I especially remember eyeing the window each subsequent year, awaiting the arrival of that beloved orange, pomegranate, apply goodness. I loved that jello. I lived for that jello. I was obsessed with that jello. Then there was a long dark, desolate period in my life once our extended got too outrageously big to celebrate Thanksgiving at my grandma's house and I had to endure Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving without that blessed orange treat.

Until last year.

Last year my family all Thansgivinged at my sister's house in Texas and I made sure the orange, pomegranate, apple, almond and whipped cream jello was on the menu. I made the jello myself- no recipe needed- my eight year old mind clinging hard to that list of miraculously compatible ingredients. I prepared the jello. I presented said jello at the Thanksgiving dinner table, and all joking aside... that jello was THE ONE dish that provided not a single leftover. In fact, the jello was so good (I'm claiming no credit here for my jello making abilities. Trust me when I say the jello will speak for itself.) that evening I made an exact replica of jello #1. (I personally think the jello is better than pie.) Anyway... I was thrilled yesterday when I realized I had nearly every ingredient on hand to make this. After a quick run to Albertson's for the orange jello package, jello making was in order. And jello make is what I did. And I hope you will too after you get a load of this.

The line-up:

You will need:

1 6 oz. package orange jello

water (It doesn't have to be smart water. Dumb water is just fine. wah-wah.)

seeds of 2 pomegranates

1 and 3/4 packages of these slivered almonds (it'll be about 3/4 measured cup)

2-3 large shredded apples (select a variety that's both sweet and tart like honeycrisp or pink lady.)

whipping cream (one pint was WAY too much for this recipe)

sugar (for the whipped cream)

1. Prepare your apples by peeling them, ( I like to try to peel mine in one long string so I feel lovely like Meg Ryan on Sleepless in Seattle) then grate 'em up. (This part is fun.) Once they're all peeled and grated, set them aside. And quit eating them.

2. Prepare your pomegranates. I have no pictures of this because I took the easy route and used already plucked out pomegranate seeds. If you have a Trader Joe's around go there and get these if you're feeling lazy. If not, take a deep breath, and make sure you remove your pomegranate seeds in a sink or bowl full of water so the seeds fall to the bottom, the whitish/yellowish membrane floats to the top, and you don't end up with maroon pomegranate juice all over your shirt /Anthropologie blouse /apron /pajamas.

3. Prepare jello according to package instructions. (i.e. boil 2 cups water, pour over jello in 9x13 pan. mix till dissolved. then add 2 cups cold water to that mixture.)

4. Now it's time to add your fillings to this here jella. Apples go in firstly.

(Notice there are quite a few. Don't let this frighten you.)

5. Pomegranate seeds go in next. Mmmm...

6. And last but not least your sweet little slivered almonds. (Remember how obsessed with these I am? I had these with every meal today. I couldn't help myself.) You'll wanna mix this up a little once all the ingredients are in there so they're all very well incorporated. We want apples, almonds, and pomegranates in each bite. I used a fork to accomplish this.

You may need to make some room in your fridge now. And slip her on in. Steady... Steady...

7. Now you're gonna have to wait a while.

8. After about five hours or so, you'll need to start whippin' up your cream. And don't you dare try to shortcut here. Cool Whip is not an adequate replacement for whipped cream. It tastes nothing like it. Do not use Cool Whip. I repeat- do not use cool whip. So... start whippin' your cream.

9. And once it starts to thicken a little get your sugar ready for distribution...

10. Add your sugar a tablespoon at a time. Taste test as you go to see how much sugar you need. I won't hold it against you if you take advantage of this opportunity a little bit. I did.

11. Alrighty. After you've made sure, double sure, triple sure that your whipped cream tastes good (not Cool Whip people) you'll need to remove the set jello from the fridge and slather on a solid layer of that whipped cream. Don't be stingy now. This may be the best part here.

Voila. Please prepare yourself to eat now. Oh man it's good.

Holy Moly that took a long time to write. Ha ha. What a waste of time! Please try this. You won't be sorry. I can promise you that.

Happy jello ~~making~~ eating!

My Vanilla Almond Granola

2011-11-01T21:07:00.001-06:00

This is the homemade granola I posted about a couple times last week. It's good. I took a recipe from allrecipes.com and tweaked it to my liking. I think now I can call it

My Vanilla Almond Granola:

6 cups oats (not quick oats)

1 cup slivered almonds (because I'm obsessed)

1/2 cup flaked coconut (I like big, thick flakes. Make sure they're unsweetened.)

1/2 cup golden flax seeds

2/3 cup almond oil (you may use vegetable if wish. or any oil for that matter. just not castor oil. or fish oil. I'll stop now.)

1/2 cup honey (I love Aunt Sue's honey. Get it if you can. Spray Pam in the measuring cup so it slips out nicely.)

1/2 cup (scant cause there's already a lot of honey) brown sugar

2 tablespoons water

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 275. Combine all ingredients together in large bowl. Make sure you mix it up well till everything is equally moist. Don't stress about clumps though. Clumps are good in granola. Spread in even layer on a baking sheet. Cook for 30-60 minutes, making sure to stir every 15 minutes. If you like your granola crispy and crunchy and your almonds and coconut toasted, cook for 60 minutes. Then store it in a container that isn't airtight- or keep it in the freezer. If you like your granola a little more on the chewy side, cook for 30 minutes and do keep in an airtight container. Both ways are equally valid. It just depends on what you like, you know? I think the chewier kind can easily pass for dessert. It reminds me of an oatmeal cookie. But you decide. It's all up to you.

A Nursing Mother

2011-11-01T17:20:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago my sister-in-law Dani Bree came into town. While she was here we had a brief conversation about breastfeeding and she asked me what my feelings were about it. Before she posed that question to me, I never really had thought about what my feelings were about breastfeeding. Since then, I've thought a lot about that subject. And rightly so. I spend a couple hours every single day doing it. It seemed funny that I hadn't thought about it before.

(This is me nursing Ellie for the very first time- about 30 minutes after she was born.)

I love to nurse my baby and this is why.

A- Breast milk is incredible. Did you know that breast milk contains over 100 ingredients that cannot be recreated synthetically? Also- "breast milk changes constantly to meet a baby's ever-changing needs: It's different in the morning than it is in the late afternoon; different at the beginning of a feeding than at the end; different for a premature baby than for a term baby. The nutrients in breast milk are matched to an infant's needs and his or her ability to handle them."(Quote from What to Expect: The First Year) Heavenly Father made this to be liquid gold. Did you know that even women in third world countries who are not getting adequate nutrients themselves still produce breast milk that will enable their baby to thrive. That's incredible! No wonder there are companies around the globe that will pay you for breast milk donations. There's nothing else like it!

B- I love the physical contact of breastfeeding. I love having Ellie right against my skin. My lactation specialist told me it was important to have skin-to-skin contact with Ellie as much as possible- especially in the first few weeks. She told me it would promote a steady milk supply for me, and that it would improve Ellie's ability to nurse. She taught me something amazing... did you know that a mother's body temperature adjusts to whatever the baby needs. If the baby is cold it's mother's temperature will rise, and if the baby is hot the mother's temperature will lower? This became a major source of bonding for Ellie and me. Breastfeeding for me is a means to continue this. "There are now a multitude of studies that show that mothers and babies should be together, skin to skin (baby naked, not wrapped in a blanket) immediately after birth, as well as later. The baby is happier, the baby’s temperature is more stable and more normal, the baby’s heart and breathing rates are more stable and more normal, and the baby’s blood sugar is more elevated. From the point of view of breastfeeding, babies who are kept skin to skin with the mother immediately after birth for at least an hour, are more likely to latch on without any help and they are more likely to latch on well." "It’s easy to see how skin-to-skin contact can aid the development of breastfeeding skills and why all mothers should be encouraged to hold their baby skin-to-skin as much as possible each day. This is especially true during the early weeks when moms and babies are learning to breastfeed. But don’t forget that babies of all ages benefit from the closeness that skin-to-skin contact provides." (Quote from babygooroo.com)

(Ellie came right onto my skin the second she was born- umbilical cord and all. I will never forget that.)

C- It's easy. I love breastfeeding because it's always ready to go. I love breast milk because since I pump, I feel like I can have the best of both worlds. Ellie can take a bottle of breast milk if I'm away from her, or she can nurse whenever I'm around. I have nursed in bathroom stalls, on hospital beds, on park benches, in movies, on airplanes, in the car, at soccer, on the beach, and everywhere in between. With breastfeeding you don't have to worry about proper temperatures or bringing food with you wherever you go. Breast milk is always ready and accessible.

D- My very favorite thing about breastfeeding, and the thing I think makes it the very best option is the time it gives me one-on-one with my baby every single day. I love that every three hours, no matter what I'm doing, there will be time where I get to do nothing but hold my baby and feed her. Some people feel like this is limiting, and for people that have a go-go-go mentality this can be a drawback. But I love the chance I have at least 7 times a day to sit or lie down with my baby girl and listen to her sigh and drink. I feel like this has given me insight into Ellie's personality that would have been hard to gain another way. I know you can cuddle your baby when you feed them a bottle, but for me, whenever I feed Ellie a bottle of breastmilk I'm always focusing more on something else. I love to breastfeed because I love that individualized time for just me and my baby girl.

I Can't Help Myself

2011-10-31T22:08:00.000-06:00

She melts me.

I realize I already posted nine pictures of her in this tutu and headband but I just can't help myself.

She is a beautiful girl.

We sure feel blessed to have her.

Happy Halloween Folks!

2011-10-31T15:28:00.000-06:00

From one cool cat.

I'm a Mama. Wow.

2011-10-30T01:57:00.001-06:00

Today I read several posts from the blog aniandmatttaylor.blogspot.com

I had never spent much time here before like I did today. As I read, I cried. I read some more, and cried again. And then did this a few more times. It made me ever more grateful for my darling little Ellie. She is a gift to us in every sense of the word.

Quite literally now, my life is lived for someone else. I am at Ellie's beck and call nearly every minute of the day. Do you know how much power there is in that? I can't adequately express how grateful I feel to be Ellie's mother. I can't describe to you how genuinely I adore everything about my daughter. BJ and I are enchanted by her every day, every hour, every minute.

It is so good to be a parent. It is so good to be a mother.

After a while I couldn't take the crying any longer and I ran to be by Ellie's side. I woke her from her nap to hold her and hug her, to feel her against my skin and to look into her eyes. She is magic. I held her and cried. I nursed her and cried. I recounted to BJ every story I had read about on Ani and Matt's blog and I cried again.

I have a little girl. I have a little girl that is perfect to me. And I am so blessed that my every purpose of every day now is to be her mother.

I had some cooking to do today for another Halloween party we were helping with. Ellie sat in her chair watching me for a few minutes and then she started fussing. This time I didn't try to distract her with another gadget or toy. This time I strapped on my sling and held her close to me while I chopped and stirred. I let her nibble on crumb-sized ingredients and smell the spices I added to the soup. She was my little sous chef and we both loved it. This is her reaching for the soup as I mixed it. It looked colorful and smelled nice. It was fun to see her reaction to each move I made. She was enthralled.

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her.

Thank you Ellie for coming to me.

Real Food Revisited: Day 6- We Only Pick the Best!

2011-10-30T01:33:00.002-06:00

Breakfast: I had: Kashi Island Vanilla cereal with bananas, blueberries, almonds, and milk.

I made BJ: honey flavored greek yogurt with apples, bananas, blueberries, and homemade granola, which he thinks he thinks is terrific even though he claims he hates coconut. That homemade granola is loaded with coconut. Little does he know... I'm not saying a word. : )

Lunch: peanut butter and strawberry jam on a slice of french country bread with carrot sticks.

Snack: kettle corn

Dinner: we ate tortellini soup, red pepper, potato and corn chowder, homemade rolls, chinese chicken salad, green salad with bacon, pecans, and cranberries, and way too many pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, red velvet cake, and pecan bars to count at the Halloween party Megan and I hosted tonight at Megan and Tanner's. (They live with Tanner's parents.)

I am stuffed again. I told BJ tonight that I feel like a walrus- so full and disgusting. Why can't I eat a reasonable amount of baked goods? The flood gates open when I'm around any object with frosting... and there's simply no stopping me. Not that I want to be stopped when I'm in the moment. I wanna have my cake and eat it too. (With lots of frosting please.) I just don't wanna feel like a walrus afterward. You know what I mean?

Ellie dressed up as a strawberry again but BJ and I wanted to switch it up. We were strawberry farmers again, but this time with a twist. Our slogan was this, "BeJota's Berries- We Only Pick the Best!"

(BeJota is how you say BJ in spanish.)

I think BJ looks like Lloyd on Dumb and Dumber when he's going to pick up Mary. Reeeediculous.

Halloween is such a great Holiday, and it's not even over yet! Plenty more where that came from.

Happy Sunday folks.

2011-10-28T22:43:00.001-06:00

Cupcakes, doughnuts, caramel corn, oh my! Our ward Halloween party tonight was sweet indeed. I won the chili cook off! Ha!

(The expression on my face looks just like one my brother Donny would make. Love you Don.)

Ellie was a...

Strawberry! And we decided that we were not cowboys. We were strawberry farmers. It's a good business to be in when your crop is this terrific.

Halloween Sweet Chili recipe:

2 lbs. ground beef

2 lbs. Jimmy Dean Maple Sausage

2 (15 oz.) cans red kidney beans

2 (15 oz.) cans chili beans (I used all of a 32 oz. can instead. Chili beans? I had never heard of em.)

2 cups V-8 juice

6 teaspoons chili powder ( I didn't have this so I used 4 heaping teaspoons of smokehouse flavored pepper and 2 heaping teaspoons of bbq chicken spice stuff.)

2 Tablespoons butter ( to cook the meat in)

1/2 cup water

4 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice

2 teaspoons worcestershire (try saying that 10 times fast. or once for that matter.)

2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon dry mustard

2 teaspoons vinegar

and here it is people... my secret ingredient. When I had it finished according to the recipe I felt like it still needed a little more texture besides just the beans and meat. So I sauteed up some yellow, orange, and red mini bell peppers. Just sliced em up real nice and cooked em in some butter, salt and smokehouse pepper.

All you do is cook the meat in a big pan with the butter. Drain off the excess fat. Add all the other ingredients, and simmer for one hour. Pretty darn delicious.

I made it this morning so the flavors could have time to mingle. In the span of this time the pepper became pretty pronounced, so by the end of the night it had quite a kick. Cut back on the pepper if you don't like things a little spicy.

Real Food Revisited: Day 5

2011-10-28T18:39:00.001-06:00

It's hard to cook with a baby in arms. Navigating a knife, a hot stovetop and a hot oven too are dangerous when Ellie is hiked up on my left hip- convincing my left arm that indeed, at any moment now, it will fall off. I cut my foot today on broken glass because I didn't have two hands- or one for that matter- to catch the falling salt shaker. And now here I am, dressed up as a cowgirl, cut foot crammed into a leather cowboy boot, typing with ONE hand. Out of necessity, you learn to become very creative when you're a mother.

Breakfast: quinoa with coconut, dates, bananas, pomegranate seeds, almonds, honey and milk.

Lunch: Pasta with carmelized tomatoes and meyer lemon olive oil.

Snack: green apple

Dinner: sweet Halloween chili with sauteed peppers, a baked potato, and cornbread.

We're headed to our first Halloween party tonight. I'm not gonna tell you what Ellie's gonna be, but I will say that it's very California appropriate. And naturally, very adorable